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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26641981">Love Is A Losing Game</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/c_o_u_s_c_o_u_s/pseuds/c_o_u_s_c_o_u_s'>c_o_u_s_c_o_u_s</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Drinking Games, Eventual Romance, Feels, Friendship/Love, Hao is sleeping, I can't remember if it's supposed to be funny, Jeonghan is in denial, Jihan dynamics, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, POV Alternating, Talking, idolverse, use of profanity, verkwan if you squint</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:00:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,993</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26641981</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/c_o_u_s_c_o_u_s/pseuds/c_o_u_s_c_o_u_s</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Regardless of Seokmin's tiny betrayal, Jeonghan could not believe the results. Since they started drinking, he had a literal growth on his shoulder, yet not one finger was pointed toward Seungcheol. Did the alcohol affect their sight, or did they also start to think that Seungcheol was just an extension of Jeonghan's body?"</p><p>The boys play a drinking game.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>132</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. One I wished I never played</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>In theory, Jeonghan was all for putting on an act for their fans. He might come off reluctant at times, but that was because he liked to tease carats and also because he disliked people telling him what to do. Still, it was part of the job, and he even enjoyed it. He was also very good at it.</p><p>He was a performer. </p><p>Not like ‘Hoshi,’ who became so alive on stage, unable to contain the excitement and energy bursting from within. </p><p>No. Jeonghan was another kind of performer. </p><p>It caught him by surprise when he realized it, and it took him some years to be confident enough to admit it—years of wondering if he was chosen for a specific part just because of his face. Jeonghan was a natural at "acting" his body and face were incredibly expressive, and he knew exactly what to do to get the reactions he wanted.</p><p>Not just during their performances.</p><p>Jeonghan got his thrills from the deafening screams after some well-timed fan service. An eye contact that lasted a few seconds too long or a hand lingering on a nice round bottom got the most excellent reactions.</p><p>And not only from carats. </p><p>"Hyung, it's your turn," Mingyu’s whiny voice shook him from his thoughts. </p><p>He felt a shift beside him. "Jeonghanie, are you okay?" A breathy laugh caressed his ear. "Or are you drunk already?" Seungcheol taunted traces of genuine concern in his voice. </p><p>Holding back a shiver, Jeonghan internally rolled his eyes at himself for even reacting. </p><p>He should be used to it by now. </p><p>Choi Seungcheol was also a performer. Closer to Soonyoung’s type than Jeonghan’s. But more selfless, perhaps. The leader gave all of himself to his fans. His performances were hypnotizing because he gave everything away. </p><p>He never held back. He never denied their fans anything. </p><p><em>And it justified everything so well, right?</em> Jeonghan thought, somewhat bitter.</p><p>If the carats wanted something, their general leader would offer it on a plater. That's how things worked. If Jeonghan enjoyed fanservice for the reactions, Seungcheol had a more supply and demand approach. All the skinship, the smiles, the touches, the stares... It was just that<em> supply and demand.</em> Jeonghan knew that very well. Yet, somehow things continued even off-camera. Like right now, their leader was currently draped all over Jeonghan, inside their apartment, with no camera crew around.</p><p>"Hm. Not drunk, just a bit tired" <em>of your antics</em>, he added silently without turning his head. With the older acting like Jeonghan's personal space somehow included half of his body, he couldn't turn his head at will. </p><p>Jeonghan tried to concentrate on the current game. The argument about who had the best laugh apparently ended while he wasn't paying attention. He was slightly curious about which argument won – the loudest or the weirdest. </p><p>"Ah Hyung! You're not getting out of this again," Soonyoung complained. Jeonghan winced. Too loud. Even for a get-together, Soonyoung volume was too much. "We are finishing this game together." </p><p>The younger member worried for nothing. It's true that Jeonghan had the habit of escaping these long game nights to get some sleep or just to relax away from the noise, but he did not feel like escaping just yet – well, at least not from the game. </p><p>Jeonghan reached for the dice, dragging along his "dead weight" since said dead weight didn't have the decency to let go of him.  </p><p>He rolled.</p><p>"8…” Seungkwan dragged out the sound, frowning. “Hyung, are you cheating? You never roll out anything lower than 6."</p><p>Seungkwan picked up the dice to examine them. Next to him, Mingyu, suspicious as always, joined him to check as well. </p><p>In response to the accusation, Jeonghan gave Seungkwan his trademark closed-lips smile while shrugging. Correction<em>, attempting</em> to shrug. He didn't manage to raise his shoulder with Seuncheol so firmly anchored on him.</p><p>Soft hair tickled his ear as Seungcheol turned to look at the dice-investigating duo.</p><p> </p><p>Calling Choi Seungcheol, a tactile person was too simple. Rather, Seungcheol gave the impression that there were no boundaries between himself and others. For instance, when he wanted to act cute, he would boldly cling to their managers or staff. Whenever he witnessed it, Jeonghan would wonder if it was a leftover of his childhood as the precious youngest in his family. </p><p>With the members, it went further. He handled them like his own personal possessions. There was just something so assured, so secure in his reach whenever he touched any of them. An absolute trust that he wouldn't be rejected. Asking for permission? What for? The eldest acted almost as if he <em>owned </em>all of them. And truth is, in a way, he probably did. </p><p>Jeonghan knew he had no room to nitpick; he also looked at the kids and felt like they were his.</p><p>His to tease, to bully, to boss around, and most importantly his to care for. </p><p>Still, somehow with Jeonghan, Seungcheol managed to go even further. Whenever they were side by side, Jeonghan's body was taut with the expectation of touch. It was as if Jeonghan's body was an extension of his.</p><p>Now, with Seungcheol so close, he felt everything the boy did. When he talked, Jeonghan could practically taste the apple-flavored soju that the older boy preferred. He could also smell Seungcheol's distinct scent, a mix of his shampoo, deodorant, and perspiration. Jeonghan’s senses were saturated with the other boy.</p><p>"How would he even cheat? You got the dice from the monopoly game in Channie's room," asked Wonwoo, ever the voice of reason.</p><p>"I don't know, but it's Jeonghan hyung," replied Seungkwan as if it explained everything. It didn't, but then again, it did.</p><p>"And what do you think he did?" Wonwoo didn't like weak arguments. Unless they made him laugh, which is how Soonyoung always got a pass. </p><p>"And he's the one who suggested including the dice too!" Mingyu looked as if he uncovered a significant clue. "Maybe he did something to the dice earlier and then put it back in Channie's room?" </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Silence.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo didn't bother responding, and Seungkwan also ignored the intervention.</p><p>"Anyway, let's move on, okay" Jun clapped his hand twice, his face bright to a fault.</p><p>"Jeonghan-Hyung?" Seokmin prompted, curious or more likely just impatient to get to his turn.</p><p>Jeonghan was amused by the whole proceeding. As much as he liked cheating, Jeonghan found that making the members waste their time uncovering imagined tricks was just as entertaining.</p><p>For this particular game they were playing – the Image Game – dice were unnecessary. But as usual, Seventeen liked to put their own twists on even the most simple things.</p><p>And by ‘Seventeen,’ Jeonghan meant himself. </p><p>The rules were simple. Someone said something like "Best drinker or Most handsome," and everyone had to point at the person they think fits the "image" the best. The person who gets the most votes has to drink.</p><p>In their customized version, they had to roll the dice first, and if they got a number higher than 5, they could play your turn; otherwise, they had to pass and drink two shots. In addition, if they managed to make everyone pick one person, they could ask them to do whatever they wanted. Of course, the statement had to remain subjective. They couldn't just say "the shortest or the tallest member," for instance.</p><p>So far, Jeonghan got Mingyu to walk around mimicking a chicken. Jihoon had tears in his eyes by the end of it, and Jeonghan was very satisfied with the performance.</p><p>"It was high-quality clucking," He praised a red-faced Mingyu. </p><p> </p><p>Trying to come up with something, Jeonghan looked at their random group. 4 were missing.  Hansol, Chan, Myungho, and Joshua. The two youngest went to see a movie, some kind of late-night premiere. Leaving behind a pouty Seungkwan who was "<em>so not interested in that type of silly movie," </em>as he put it andwho eventually joined their drinking session. Myungho went to bed already. He had an early morning schedule the next day. Jeonghan couldn't help but think about the magazine feature with a great sense of pride for the Chinese member. They all agreed to move to the lower apartment to let the boy rest peacefully. The members living above would just need to be careful going back, or most likely, they'd just end up spending the night downstairs as they sometimes did. Squeezing themselves wherever there was space. The 13 members were used to cramming the whole group in a small space. Most of the time, the excuse they used was that they were too drunk to go back up or didn't want to make noise and disturb the neighbors.</p><p>The truth was that they just missed being all together in the same apartment.</p><p>As for the last member, Joshuji, was… actually, where was he? Jeonghan frowned as he couldn't remember where his best friend was. </p><p>Jeonghan's frown deepened when he realized that he was missing the perfect opportunity to get Joshua to do something silly. </p><p>Giving up on his initial idea, Jeonghan thought for two more seconds before deciding on,</p><p>"The clingiest member." He had another target.</p><p>For a split-second, Jeonghan thought he felt Seungcheol tensing against him. He probably imagined things. There is no way that the older boy had any self-awareness.</p><p>1</p><p>2</p><p>3</p><p>He looked around the circle and<em>…</em></p><p>Jeonghan slowly blinked as he saw three fingers pointing toward Mingyu – Seungcheol, Jun, Soonyoung – with another four on Soonyoung – Jihoon, Wonwoo, Seungkwan, Mingyu – and one last finger on…</p><p>"Me?" his voice a pitch higher. "Seokmin-ah, you think <em>I'm</em> the clingiest member?" </p><p>"Ha, of course, it's not a bad thing Hyung, of course, I love having you around me, of course." Seokmin scratched his head with a nervous smile. </p><p>The boy used "of course" three times in one sentence showing his nerves; apparently, his liquid courage already left him. </p><p>Regardless of Seokmin's tiny betrayal, Jeonghan could not believe the results. Since they started drinking, he had a literal growth on his shoulder, yet not one finger was pointed toward Seungcheol. Did the alcohol affect their sight, or did they also start to think that Seungcheol was just an extension of Jeonghan's body? </p><p>Lips pursed. Jeonghan should have asked that question with the full team there. <em>Surely</em>, Joshuji, Myungho, Hansollie, and Channie were the sensible ones. He thought he could count on Jihoonie too, but… to be fair, Soonyoung. </p><p>The other two members picked had very different reactions.</p><p>Mingyu was spluttering, offended, while Soonyoung's whole body was vibrating with laughter. His hand on Wonwoo's shoulder made the quiet boy shake along with him. Wonwoo had to keep his hand on his glasses to keep them from slipping. It was hard to tell if Soonyoung had too much to drink or not. His behavior was not significantly different from usual, but his face looked a bit red. He grabbed his glass and shot to his feet. </p><p><em>Here it comes,</em> Jeonghan thought, sour but amused. Soonyoung was about to deliver his 5th speech of the night. Every time the wannabe-tiger got picked for something, he had to make one. Jeonghan didn’t need to turn around to feel the eyes rolling. </p><p>Raising his soju glass to the ceiling with a hand on his hip in a triumphant pose, Soonyoung shouted, "My Dear Members, thank you for choosing me! I will do my best and continue to shower you with my love everyday." </p><p>He drank. His laughter ensuing.</p><p>Jeonghan noticed Jihoon shaking his head while Jun and Seokmin clapped for their loudest member. <em>Then</em> Seungcheol let go of him – probably temporarily – to join the cheering.</p><p>Jeonghan didn't waste time. Jihoon turned a questioning stare toward him as he quickly stood up.</p><p>"I'm going to get some water. Anyone want something from the kitchen?"</p><p>"Yes," Mingyu and Seokmin went right away.</p><p>"Yeah, well, you know where it is." He smiled and walked off, satisfied with the whining sounds following him.</p><p>Yes, he was upset over the results of this round.</p><p> </p><p>Opening the fridge, Jeonghan let the cold cool him down. After spending an almost an hour and a half stuck to the older boy, he was excessively aware of Seungcheol's body heat. The boy was like a portable heater, and it seemed like his searing heat bled into Jeonghan.</p><p>It was too much. <em>He</em> was too much.</p><p>Jeonghan held back a groan as he reminisced the past hour. He had been unable to ignore the arm hair brushing his neck every time he moved, that chesty laugh jostling him and sending vibrations in his back. The way Seungcheol's voice went from high, when he was complaining, to disturbingly low, when he was telling the kids to be mindful of the neighbors, to soft and intimate when he turned to talk to Jeonghan. The sounds making his skin tingle. And of course, the way he would just turn and stare at Jeonghan with his gummy smile any time something funny happened, wanting to see if Jeonghan was also amused. Having someone laugh in your face was distractedly intimate. And all Jeonghan could do was blink stupidly at those brown eyes with long lashes, so close to his and try to avoid staring too long at the stretched red lips.</p><p>Before closing the fridge that he left open a tad too long, he grabbed a couple of water bottles. Some of them shouldreally start drinking water<em>.</em> Not Jeonghan, though, he was barely tipsy. Drinking games were still games, and Jeonghan was always good at those. </p><p>He also fetched their leftover snacks to bring back.</p><p>Sighing, Jeonghan decided he wanted to sit somewhere else on the way back. He reached his limit.</p><p>Technically, he <em>could</em> just say something. But… at this stage of their relationship, it was just regular behavior.  </p><p>And Yoon Jeonghan wasn't sure how to confront their "normal." Even if he knew how he would be too scared to.</p><p>After so many years of being together, seventeen's members had their own sets of "normal" that no one thought to question. Seungkwan always touching Hansol was normal. Jeonghan rooming with Seokmin was normal, Jihoon pushing away Soonyoung, Mingyu breaking something, etc... </p><p>Jeonghan couldn't really pinpoint when his normal with Seungcheol went from regular to <em>too much</em>. </p><p>One day it was normal to have the older boy always all over him, and the next… Jeonghan didn't understand what changed.  </p><p><em>Are you sure you don't know? </em> Ignoring that annoying inner voice, Jeonghan carried his loot back.</p><p>He was welcomed with grateful cheers.</p><p>"Yay!"</p><p>"Thank you!"</p><p>"Thanks, Hyung!"</p><p>Hmph. Jeonghan <em>was </em>their nicest Hyung, regardless of what the brats said on camera.</p><p>He dropped all of it in a pile on the floor and pointedly passed his previous spot to squeeze between Seungkwan and Soonyoung. "I'm here to get some love," he told a grinning Soonyoung.</p><p>"Ah Hyung, you-" without finishing his sentence, Soonyoung hugged Jeonghan twisting him from side to side. Jeonghan went along willingly as he pretended to not feel the eyes on him.  Laughing and patting the dancer's back, he kept his face down.</p><p>He really didn’t want to see Seungcheol's expression.</p><p>"I have a good one !" Finally, Seokmin got his turn.</p><p>"You've been saying that since the beginning of the game, but so far," Mingyu trailed off, everyone filling the blanks with the memory if Seokmin's attempts.</p><p>
  <em>"The member who has the most hair." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"The member who has the best dreams.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"The member who likes listening to Seokmin the most."</em>
</p><p>"After all your weird ones, we ought to just skip you," Wonwoo teased. </p><p>"That was before I really have a good one now, trust me," Seokmin defended himself. </p><p>"Let's hear it then, Seokminie" Jeonghan couldn’t resist the instinct to jump in and encourage him.</p><p>"The flirtiest member, "Seokmin announced with an eyebrow wiggle. He looked really proud of himself for that one. </p><p>Jeonghan eyes widened slightly, and he couldn't help but turn toward Seungcheol. He held the dark eyes for a second before looking away.</p><p>1</p><p>2</p><p>3</p><p>Jeonghan didn’t feel good about this one.</p><p>The results: 3 fingers on Hoshi - Jeonghan, Wonwoo, DK – 2 on Mingyu – Seungcheol, Hoshi – and…4 fingers on Seungcheol.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Thump. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Mingyu, Jihoon, Jun, and Seungkwan all pointed at Seungcheol.  </p><p>"Aw, I lost," Soonyoung whined next to jeonghan.</p><p>"Yah, really you little brats since when–" Predictably, Seungcheol shot up.</p><p>"Come on, Hyung, don't even start." Mingyu cut off the beginning of his rant. </p><p>Seokmin and Jun were cackling while pointing at Seungcheol. </p><p>Jeonghan wished he could join them. But amusement was not what he was feeling right now. He didn't even know if he had a proper smile on his face. Wonwoo and Jihoon looked vaguely amused, and Seungkwan was checking his phone. Probably texting Hansol, it was getting late. </p><p>He would have been texting their youngest members too if not for this nonsensical game distracting him and– </p><p>"It’s fan-service! It's our job to show my love to the fans!" Seungcheol defended. "You guys really, be honest. There is <em>no</em> <em>way</em> I'm worse than Soonyoung and Mingyu," Seungcheol insisted pointing at the two boys in turn. Not for the first time, Jeonghan thought Seungcheol truly didn’t know how to pick his battles. He jumped headfirst into arguments that ended with him being at a disadvantage.</p><p>This time around, though, he could drag Jeonghan down with him.</p><p>"Okay, Hyung, but we're not talking about fans?" Seungkwan replied, still busy typing on his phone. </p><p>"Then what are we talking about? The members? But Soonyoung is still worse than me, and what about Jeonghannie," Seungcheol asked, confused. Big eyes blinking stupidly. </p><p><em>Why are you bringing me into this? </em>Jeonghan was trying hard not to squirm from his position on the floor. </p><p>Seungkwan looked up from his phone and made eye contact with Jihoon, and they shared a brief look. Jeonghan cringed.</p><p>
  <em>He should have left…</em>
</p><p>"Well, to be honest, Jeonghan-Hyung is pretty bad too, but he is more of a tease than a flirt. You are the flirt, and you are always flirting." Explained Seungkwan. His round cheeks were red. He was obviously tipsy and yet speaking in such a matter of fact tone. As if he was patiently explaining something to a child. Expect the child was his oldest hyung and his leader.</p><p>"Yeah, I mean, you never stop flirting with Hyung like it's like get a room sometimes." </p><p>
  <em>…5 minutes ago.</em>
</p><p>Jeonghan was frozen. Hand clenching his soju bottle. He didn’t even remember grabbing it.</p><p>Of course, Kim I-never-know-when-to-shut-up Mingyu had to jump in. <em>Of course.</em> </p><p>Wait, was Seungcheol suddenly getting red? </p><p>Now his brain was stuck between shock and horror. Were they really trying to do this now?</p><p><em>Do what, though? </em>The voice in his head demanded clarification and was promptly ignored.</p><p>It's been <em>years</em>, they've been drunk together before, they've also played this game before. So why now? What were they trying to do? Was this the so-called "intervention" he saw in American shows? Less like an ambush, it felt like stepping on an old landmine in a minefield that he believed to be safe.</p><p><em>That's</em> what this situation was. Old. </p><p>The members had a way of ignoring whatever was happening with "Jeongcheol." They teased them on stage, of course, but strangely enough, nothing in private. </p><p>He had no inkling as to what anyone thought of it or <em>if</em> they even thought anything. Honestly, sometimes, it felt unnatural how they never addressed it, and, in his more paranoid moments, Jeonghan was half convinced they had some sort of unspoken agreement. At times, he even feared that they had a meeting behind their backs and agreed on not saying anything. </p><p>
  <em>There goes that theory. </em>
</p><p>He should have left when he went to get water; trying to leave now would only worsen the situation. Jeonghan was caught off guard, but he was still doing his best to manage his expression and figure out what he should say.</p><p> </p><p>Deep breaths. </p><p> </p><p>In, out. In, out.</p><p> </p><p>He needed to stop this from going further. There was still a chance he could distract them from unraveling this dangerous thread. </p><p>Putting his best smile on, Jeonghan turned to Soonyoung in what he hoped was a natural move. Everything was fine. He could diffuse this <em>thing</em>.</p><p>"Only three people for you, Hoshi-yah, that's surprising I–" </p><p>Before he could finish, he was cut off by Soonyoung’s scream, "AH!" Understanding dawned in his wide eyes. "I thought we were talking about fan service, then I also pick Seungcheol-hyung. He's always flirting with Jeonghan-Hyung."</p><p>The finishing blow.</p><p> </p><p><em>Plop</em> <em>.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>His heart went from skipping a beat to dropping through his stomach to his feet.</p><p>Jeonghan couldn’t believe what Soonyoung just said.</p><p>He did not just. He did not.</p><p>
  <em>Oh, but he did. </em>
</p><p>Before, back when Jeonghan could still breathe, when Mingyu said Hyung, he could’ve pretended. Mingyu had six Hyungs besides Seungcheol, after all. Now though?</p><p><em>Fuck</em> <em>. </em></p><p>What did his face look like right now? </p><p> </p><p>In, out. In— okay. </p><p>"He's not flirting with-"</p><p>"Oh please don't lie," Mingyu stopped him right away, the dismissive tone cutting.</p><p><em>What the–</em> The surge of anger he felt caught Jeonghan by surprise. Yes, Hoshi blurted things without filter, and Seungkwan could be a relentless little bitch at times(Jeonghan raised him well). But, <em>Mingyu</em>?</p><p>Mingyu had the God-given talent of never ever reading the room.</p><p>"Even you can't lie that well hyung," more of Mingyu's helpful interventions. Jeonghan was considering whether or not kicking Mingyu would help him get out of this mess. Was the brat trying to get into another screaming match with him? </p><p>"Unless we’re playing opposite realities now?" asked Wonwoo, sounding way too serious even though he was adding salt to the wounds.</p><p>"Isn’t why you changed your seat? Because Hyung’s flirting was getting too much," </p><p>
  <em>And …scene. That was the real finishing blow. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan heard the damning words, but at this stage, he didn't even know which one of the little backstabbing brats said it. </p><p>Either way, he was not doing this. </p><p>Whatever <em>this</em> was. </p><p>"Yah Seungkwan-"</p><p>Ah it was <em>Seungkwan, of course. </em></p><p><em>Relentless</em>. </p><p>Seungcheol started saying something, he sounded flustered. The awkwardness like pins prickling at Jeonghan.</p><p>Yes, well, he had no interest in hearing what Seungcheol was going to say or finding out how much deeper he could dig this hole. Releasing the bottle he was in danger of breaking, Jeonghan grabbed his phone and swiftly rose to his feet.</p><p>"Jeonghan hyung where" that was Seokmin.</p><p>"Hyung," that was Soonyoung.</p><p>"Yah, my pants," Mingyu. It seemed he knocked over Mingyu's drink. <em>Good</em>.</p><p>Jeonghan crossed the room too quickly for their tipsy brains to react. He was counting on their slowed reactions to make it out of the door.</p><p>"Hannie," he heard <em>him</em> calling. The hesitance in <em>his</em> tone painful.</p><p>So, he walked faster.</p><p>Hastily shoving his feet in his shoes, he slammed the door before anyone moved. </p><p>Jeonghan undeniably forgot to be quiet going up the stairs – he didn’t risk waiting for the – but thankfully, he remembered their sleeping member before entering the apartment. He quickly pushed the code in and only released his breath when he was behind the door. He stayed in the same spot for a few minutes, willing his emotions under control.</p><p>Why? Why? Why?</p><p>Why were they talking about this?</p><p>Safely away from the noise and the voices and the eyes on him, <em>Seungcheol’s eyes,</em> Jeonghan could finally think again. That’s when he realized that his strategic retreat was anything but <em>strategic</em>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>How could he just run out? </p><p>He should have stayed. He should have endured. He should have tried his best to turn it into something funny and harmless. By fleeing, he definitely admitted to…to <em>something</em>.</p><p>
  <em>Thud.</em>
</p><p>Jeonghan let his head bang on the door.</p><p>How was he supposed to deal with them with <em>him</em>?</p><p>Maybe…maybe if he pretended he suddenly got sick?</p><p>
  <em>…Yeah, good luck with that.</em>
</p><p>Hands-on his face Jeonghan let out a groan (a quiet one, of course). Why the hell did he play that game? </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Oh, What A Mess We Made</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jeonghan dragged himself away from the door. He went into their kitchen, pouring some water and gulping it down impatiently. It was as if he wanted to chase down the sick feeling he had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt exposed - </span>
  <em>
    <span>raw - </span>
  </em>
  <span>and very much sober.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dark and quiet apartment was a jarring contrast from the bright and loud scenery of the 6th floor. Jeonghan even thought that he was disturbing the silence by swallowing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He poured himself more water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan didn't want to think about what was going on downstairs. The conversation probably took a turn into wild speculations.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hated being out of the loop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By fleeing, Jeonghan lost the chance to control and influence things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He would only get to hear all about it later.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why did they want to open that door?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan wondered if Seungcheol was still trying to justify himself if he was still blushing...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the memory, he put down his glass and closed his eyes, wanting to chase away the image.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just because they opened the door, it didn't mean Jeonghan should jump headfirst into the rabbit hole.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wouldn't lead to anything good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As his slippers-clad feet glided toward his room, Jeonghan felt particularly grateful that he lived on this floor and had a single room. He fully intended to sleep away the whole ordeal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Albeit after a brief screaming-in-his-pillow session.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he turned on the lights, Jeonghan found that the room was already occupied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A familiar figure lay on his bed, a laptop balanced on their stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Konbawa Jeonghan-san," the figure said in a distorted voice, mischievous Bambi eyes creasing his way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan barely watched anime, and when he did, it was always in Korean. He didn't like straining his eyes with subtitles. Knowing all that didn't deter Joshua from throwing anime references at him at the oddest times like Jeonghan was somehow expected to get it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't 'Konbawa me,' Joshuji. Speak Japanese during our schedules in japan instead. With how much anime you're watching, shouldn't you be fluent already, Mr. I speak five languages?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan knew he was rambling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is the party already over?" asked Joshua casually, the words sliding off him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, but I'm done for the night." Jeonghan turned away to close the door behind, taking that extra second to compose himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What are you doing here?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Watching an anime," Joshua turned his laptop's screen toward Jeonghan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You didn't join us tonight." A question behind the flat statement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mmm, no. I didn't want to. I wanted to finish this show."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And you couldn't have done that in your room?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Downstairs would have been too noisy, and you know me, I'm a pushover. I would have agreed to join you guys after being asked a few times."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hong Jisoo, a pushover?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah right.</span>
  </em>
  <span> More like he just couldn't be bothered to deal with the group. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay, but why my room?" insisted Jeonghan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua didn't respond, but he finally acknowledged the question with a raised eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The message was clear.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Look who's talking.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan looked away, too easily recalling all the times he barged into his friend's room to bother him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Jeonghan was honest with himself, he didn't mind the other's presence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was uselessly focusing on his interrogation to prevent everything else he didn't want to share from spilling out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Also, he was jealous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jealous of how Joshua's relaxing and peaceful and</span>
  <em>
    <span> safe</span>
  </em>
  <span> night went. Jeonghan was realizing too late that he could have avoided the whole fiasco, staying tucked away in the sanctuary of his room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if it meant enduring his best friend's silly anime.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The whole ordeal was quite unfair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan was usually great, exceptional even, at not being at a disadvantage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Half of it was due to his uncanny luck, and the other half was purely his own skills. Jeonghan could swiftly read the room and then use his quick wits to get him out of all kinds of situations. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow, both these things failed him tonight.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Really, how in the world did playing a simple game land him in this mess? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan still wanted that 'screaming into his pillow' session.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why are you back early?" Joshua asked, eyes on his screen, his head on the pillow Jeonghan was coveting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan didn't want to put it in words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He'd be easier to kick the other boy out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even to Joshua, he never quite articulated the 'issue.' They talked about almost everything, save for this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan didn't want to talk about these things with himself, let alone someone else</span>
  <em>
    <span>. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn't help it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This constant need, he had to be careful and play it safe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it wasn't safe to talk, and it wasn't safe to dwell on it.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When Jeonghan failed to answer him, Joshua paused his show.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua wasn't one to pry, nor would he consider himself a curious person. But his friend never had an issue venting when things upset him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he was stressed, he would let Joshua know why.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Over and over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seeing Jeonghan standing still, clearly tense, but pretending he was fine was a sign that something was wrong.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jeonghan-ah, is everything alright?" Joshua doubted himself even as he spoke the words, "Did they dare you to do something you didn't want?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"As if they could," Jeonghan scoffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, that's good. Then what is it? Why did you leave?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nothing. They were annoying with their teasing, and I was tired."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A clue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not the tired part - Jeonghan was always tired - the 'teasing.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What did they tease you about?"                                          </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It was nothing really, just some nonsense about Seungcheol and–"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan felt regret as soon as the words left his mouth and promptly cut himself off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the damage was done.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There it is. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jeonghan could see understanding dawning in his friend's eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fact that Joshua didn't seem to need further elaboration made him feel worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It was nothing, though," he beat Joshua opening his mouth. "No need to go over-"</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>Beep</span>
  </strong>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the sound of the front door opening, Jeonghan's blood froze.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Damn it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan kept on being too complacent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That's how he landed in this mess in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He should have kicked out Joshua as soon as he walked in and pretended to go to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was too late to turn off the lights since his room could be seen directly from the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He needed to hide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bed?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The space under it was way too narrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan walked to the closet and opened it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Too full, no space in there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He closed it and turned to Joshua, whose eyebrows were close to his hairline.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Han, were about to hide in your closet?" Joshua asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shhh. Shua-yah, you need to help me. I don't want to talk to him!" Jeonghan whispered furiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And was he really going to hide in his closet? Did he manage to sink so low in just one night? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan was afraid of the answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Him? Help you how? What is going on, Han? Who is </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Knock Knock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They jumped.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why the heck am I getting agitated too. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Joshua wondered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No one. Anyone. I don't know—any of the others. I'll tell you later, okay. Just help me." Eyes clouded by panic, Jeonghan was practically hissing by the end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Glancing down at the hand pulling on his shirt Joshua had no choice but to give in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay. Fine. Later," Joshua whispered back, eyes full of meaning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan let go of him and stepped back, arms crossed protectively over his chest, biting his bottom lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua was still wondering what he was supposed to say when he opened the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sup' Josh! "Behind the door, hand raised about to knock again was Hansol.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, Hi, Vernon." He found himself releasing a breath from the tension that transferred from Jeonghan to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was truly ridiculous.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He needed answers.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"I just got back. I saw the light, so I thought Jeonghan-Hyung was back on this floor too. What are you guys up to?" Smoothly switching back and forth between English and Korean, Hansol's face was stretched in a big grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The beautiful boy seemed utterly oblivious to what he walked in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To be fair, Joshua didn't even know </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span> was going on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Behind him, Jeonghan had sunk to the floor and buried his face on the edge of his bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Huh… Is it a bad time?" Hansol's smile was losing its shine as he took in the subdued attitude of his hyungs.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan felt more than saw Joshua glance at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What? No? No. come in Hansol-ah, tell us about your evening, where's Channie?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan gathered himself and waved a hand, urging the younger boy into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As much as he liked having his own space, Jeonghan made it clear to the members that they were always welcome in his room. For advice, for a chat, or even just to hang out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan could guess why Hansol came over to his room. The boy was always eager to talk about movies or shows right after he watched them. He liked to share things. He often talked movies with Jihoon, and of course, Joshua, but he came to Jeonghan more often now that they shared an apartment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan wasn't a big cinephile, and he barely kept up with the latest shows, but he'd always been a great listener. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He got up from his slump on the floor as if nothing was wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He went downstairs to bring them food, Seungkwan texted me about really craving some Dakgangjeong." Hansol flopped on the bed on his stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dear </span>
  </em>
  <span>Seungkwanie is probably disappointed. I'm sure meant for you to bring it to him." Muttered Jeonghan almost to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hmm, you think so? I didn't want to be dragged in tonight. It's too late to start drinking." explained Hansol.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't worry. He's probably going to show up soon." Joshua guessed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was probably right, and the thought made Jeonghan nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seungkwan showing up right now could mean talking about </span>
  <em>
    <span>stuff</span>
  </em>
  <span> and spreading the incident to more members.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that Jeonghan even thought for a second that the members downstairs would keep the incident to themselves. That's not how it worked in their little family. But still, he would rather not deal with it so soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why are you standing there?" Asked Joshua, narrowing his eyes at Jeonghan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No reason." Jeonghan found space to lie down on the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bed in Jeonghan's room was quite soft. He liked soft beds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn't care that it wasn't right for his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a long exhausting day of schedule and grueling practice, he enjoyed the feeling of sinking into his bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thinking about it now, Joshua had a healthy bed - read that hard like bricks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even though he claimed he liked it that way, Jeonghan suspected that the other boy had another reason for camping in Jeonghan's room for the evening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe Jeonghan should convince Joshua to spend the night in his room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yes, it meant he would have to fend off questions, but if he let Joshua go downstairs, the kids were sure to tell him everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then, he could predict that his friend would come right back up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Joshuji, why don't you spend the night here?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan would just have to reschedule his screaming session.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mmm, are you going to sleep soon, or can I keep watching my show?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rolling his eyes, Jeonghan was envious at his friend's priorities while he himself was in the middle of a crisis.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Go ahead and watch your man with tentacles."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thanks, but I'm not watching Assassination Classroom Jeonghan. Vernon, can you move up a bit?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With three people, the bed was a bit crowded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan patted the space next to his head, motioning for Hansol to come closer. As soon as the younger boy sat down, Jeonghan put his head on his lap. Hansol, as usual, took things in stride.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan could count on Hansol to not ask questions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes he felt as if the boy shrugged his way through life, and as a certified overthinker, he envied that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How was your movie?" asked Jeonghan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Amazing! Hyung, it was really really good," Hansol's head bobbing as he spoke, "I didn't expect that it would be so good, and the twist at the end–"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan let Hansol excitement lull him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leaving Joshua to ask questions, Jeonghan only oh-ing and ah-ing at the expected parts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the middle of the movie review, he felt fingers in his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan was surprised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hansol wasn't one for those gestures, and Jeonghan was more into giving than receiving them. Perhaps the younger one could feel the tension in Jeonghan.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Was he that obvious?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jeonghan bit his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nonetheless, he could appreciate the comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn't miss the way Joshua was closely watching him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan would ward him off as long as he could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"–Anyway, you should really go see it! I highly recommend it." Hansol added a thumbs-up as if his words weren't enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Maybe," responded Jeonghan noncommittally. The rapper had a way of making things sound interesting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The trio talked some more about their upcoming schedule and swapped some recent stories.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, there was no mention of the party.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When soon after, Hansol bid them goodnight and returned to his room, Jeonghan guessed that the younger boy truly noticed something. Hansol's visits to Jeonghan were usually longer. The boy would stick around even when they didn't talk, just doing his own thing next to Jeonghan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time he stuck around for barely 20 mins.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not only was Jeonghan was quieter than usual, but Joshua wasn't subtle with his numerous glances. In fact, he was quite insistent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And indeed, as soon as the door shut behind Hansol.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jeonghan-ah, now let's talk."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Jeonghan was ready and didn't waste time getting up, heading for the door too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shower," he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pausing by the door, he doubled back under Joshua's glower to grab some clothes on his bed and then swiftly made his escape.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>An exasperated Joshua could only watch as the door closed once again, leaving him alone in the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He huffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wondered what he could do to get Jeonghan to talk. His friend was the definition of stubborn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua didn't know exactly what went down at the party. Still, the gathered it had to do with the proverbial elephant in the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The elephant being, of course, the two eldest dancing around each other for years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the whole group was together, it was noticeable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When it was just the three of them, it was impossible to ignore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His two friends would get lost in their own world and disregard their surroundings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Out of the two, Jeonghan seemed more aware, more conscious. He'd make sure not to give away too much, holding onto Joshua as an anchor of a sort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol, though? He was a ball of </span>
  <em>
    <span>raw feelings</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Their leader could just lose himself in Jeonghan and forget himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>One too open and one too guarded,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Joshua often thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet, Joshua never felt like a third wheel. Instead, he felt like a very loved and very irritated friend because, seriously, that painful affair has been going on for years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was tired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So yes, they all 'knew.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol and Jeonghan were grown men, so the members decidedly left them to their own device, to go at their own pace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It might have been a mistake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took a while for Joshua to realize that his friends weren't taking anything slow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two eldest were just walking around like headless chickens.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first, he thought they were a bit dense, but no. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn't that they didn't see, but they didn't even </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to see.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was quite an infuriating realization for Joshua.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua didn't know what was holding them back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being into men? Being idols? Being in the same group?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Possibly all three.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn't actually matter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Surely, they could overcome it since whatever it was didn't stop them from feeling the way they felt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One particular image was stuck in Joshua's mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It happened during their arena tour in Japan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>During the effervescent euphoria of the concert, Joshua remembers finding himself watching his friends' antics.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan was lying on Seungcheol's lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing too unusual there; they weren't even the only doing that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What struck Joshua was the expressions on their faces.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The adoration in Seungcheol's eyes as he looked down at Jeonghan. The bliss on Jeonghan's face as he gently smiled back at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tenderness was… almost painful to watch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were beautiful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua felt like kicking them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was tired of the never-ending dance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps the others felt the same way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whatever happened on the 6th floor was clearly unplanned (he didn't receive any messages), and a clumsy attempt at helping things along.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn't know about Seungcheol, but they only managed to spook Jeonghan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His friend didn't enjoy being cornered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua wished he had been there for some damage control.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe he should let Jeonghan sleep on it and try to talk to him in the morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While Joshua was having an inner debate, Jeonghan's phone screen lit up. It was right next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes widened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua didn't mean to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He really didn't.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, maybe he did a little. But in his defense, the notification was fully displayed, and the message was short.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <span>Coups</span>
    </em>
    
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hi. Meet me on the rooftop? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>New plan. He wasn't about to let Jeonghan go to sleep just yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if on cue, the owner of the phone walked in. Managing to look refreshed from his shower but somehow just as tense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You got a message," Joshua didn't waste time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I did?" The carefully crafted non-reaction rang false.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan was off his game.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll check it later."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah, right more like never, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Joshua didn't even bother rolling his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Seungcheol wants you to meet him on the roof," he said plainly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan went still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The silence stretched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Right. Okay. Han, how do you want to do this?" asked Joshua.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do what?" Jeonghan went to stand in front of his mirror and started his night-time skin routine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Our talk, Jeonghan. Later is now."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So, do you want to cut the bullshit and speak plainly?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, thanks." Jeonghan bit back. He was carefully avoiding Joshua's eyes in the reflection, concentrating on applying his toner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fine by me. I'm not who you should be talking with anyway." Before his friend could relax, Joshua added, "Let's remain vague then. Whatever helps you."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Not talking about it would help more. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jeonghan's look seems to convey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jeonghan-ah..." he paused, unsure how to proceed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From this angle, Joshua could see Jeonghan's hands as he picked up his next bottle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were shaky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua felt for his friend. He really did. He was tempted to drop the conversation and tell him everything was fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But no. He couldn't do that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jeonghan-ah," he tried again. "I'm not going tell you how to feel, but maybe you could share what's going through your mind right now? Like, I don't know, just try to tell me what you're feeling?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua stood up and went to sit by the end of the bed, closer to his silent friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at Jeonghan's stiffening back, he waited for a response. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan wished it was that easy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To just open up to Joshua and tell him everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn't.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jisoo-yah, I told you earlier. It was just jokes." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan didn't even know which step of the skincare routine he was on. He couldn't keep track of what he already put on his face. He grabbed the closest bottle to him, the essence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Whatever happened downstairs is not a random incident. It's part of an ongoing thing. We both know it." insisted Joshua. "I wasn't there, so I don't know. Maybe...maybe it wasn't handled well."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Understatement of the century </span>
  </em>
  <span>thought Jeonghan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But still, it doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about it. You can tell me if I'm wrong, but you seem worried, nervous, and" Joshua paused a bit and added, "You seem scared."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua was wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn't scared. That much he could admit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan was terrified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We can talk about that? What are you scared of?" Joshua kept his tone low, gentle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan felt irritated that his friend thought he needed to coax him as if Jeonghan was being unreasonable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jeonghan-ah…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Isn't it obvious?" Jeonghan put down his essence bottle and turned around. "You… You talk as if I'm concerned over nothing."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua looked up, surprised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan knew he made them jump ahead into the heart of the matter, skipping the preambles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's not what I said. I asked what you were scared of?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What do you think?" Jeonghan almost sneered." This is Korea, Joshua, not </span>
  <em>
    <span>America.</span>
  </em>
  <span>"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan felt he said enough. He turned back to face the mirror.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm very aware, Jeonghan. I've been living here for years." Joshua kept his tone even.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan knew very well that his friend disliked being talked to as if he was a clueless foreigner. He was even more sensitive over the assumption that his home country was devoid of issues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet, Jeonghan couldn't seem to help himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, it seems like you didn't pay attention in those years if you can still ask such stupid question."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan was being unfair, and he knew it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua visibly inhaled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jeonghan-ah. I'm not telling you to do anything extreme. I just think that maybe you and Seungcheol should-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan interrupted him. "Did you have anything to do with the whole thing tonight?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew it was not Joshua's style. His was more like what he was doing now, trying to get Jeonghan to open up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Privately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No. I don't even know exactly what happened since you won't tell me." Joshua sounded like he was running out of patience. "And whatever it was, maybe it was badly handled, but I'm sure that just like me, they just wanted to help. Perhaps they wanted to show you they were okay with–"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's not just them! It's not just you!" Jeonghan cut him off again. "You know it's a bigger issue than that. It's the group, the company, the staff, the fans, and the public. They-they would"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan was close to screaming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua was looking at him, eyes full of sympathy. His previous irritation seemingly forgotten.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan knew his friend wanted to help, but he didn't know how to let him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You said it wasn't your place to tell me how to feel. It's also not your place to tell me what to do with them so-called feeling."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So-called ?" Joshua scoffed. "Jeonghan, all of us can see that–."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jisoo. Drop it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan climbed in his bed, pulling the covers over his head, effectively signaling that he was done talking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was aware that instead of hiding, Jeonghan could just tell Joshua to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something, though, was stopping him from telling Joshua to get out. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe you want to keep talking.</span>
  </em>
  <span> The voice was back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His friend sighed loudly next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan ignored him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, Sleeping Beauty, you have an appointment to keep."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan showed no reaction and kept his eyes closed, head covered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua tried to pull on the covers, but his fists were unrelenting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Han, just go to the rooftop. You don't have to get into anything you don't want to." Joshua kept tugging. "You don't even have to tell me anything, but just go. Please."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not going." Jeonghan's voice was muffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua stopped trying to dislodge him, and his voice turned soft.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know you don't like dealing with uncomfortable situations. But before anything else, Seungcheol is your friend. So don't leave him by himself up there. Go talk to him."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So what you won't even respond to his message? You'll just leave him waiting there all night?" Joshua sounded frustrated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He'll come down on his own soon enough. I didn't check the message. He'll just think I'm sleeping." Jeonghan said, the words reasonable, wanting to convince himself to keep the guilt at bay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He'd been very aware of time passing since Joshua mentioned the message.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungcheol wouldn't stay too long. It's not even cold. It's okay don't worry</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He was repeating in his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua scoffed." You think you're so clever, huh? There is no way Seungcheol would believe that you're sleeping right now."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jeonghan, you don't have to hurt him just because you're scared." this time, Joshua's voice was stern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm not trying to hurt him." Jeonghan whirled around, coming out of the covers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew he sounded defensive, but the thought of hurting Seungcheol… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His stomach felt queasy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, you usually don't. I know you don't." Joshua was speaking plainly. "But tonight, you could if you don't go."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan bit his lips, conflicted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Han...Come on, just go."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua reached over and covered Jeonghan's hand with his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Be brave, my friend. You'll be okay." Joshua gave him a soft smile. "It's only Seungcheollie."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat up and leaned against the headboard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabbed up his phone and fiddled with it. Not unlocking it yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"By the way, why are you taking his side? I'm supposed to be your best friend."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's not about sides. I don't want to see either of you being hurt."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But I'm supposed to be your favorite," pouted Jeonghan.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ah, easy banter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps there was hope after all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You must be mistaken," refuted Joshua playfully. "I don't have favorites, and if I did, it would be Seokmin, not you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hmph sucks to be you then cause </span>
  <em>
    <span>I'm</span>
  </em>
  <span> his favorite," said Jeonghan smug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Whatever lies help you sleep at night, Jeonghan-ah."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua felt lighter, and it seems that his friend did too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shua-yah?" called Jeonghan, still looking at his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"hmm?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You think it would be terrible if I were to wake up, Myungho?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What? Why do you want to wake him up?" Joshua was confused. "He's working tomorrow, right?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mmm, yes, but I need some wine."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"… Jeonghan, you don't even like wine." Joshua figured his friend was just stalling, gathering up some courage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is that what I said? I said I </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed</span>
  </em>
  <span> it," whined Jeonghan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, well, you're not waking up Hao for that. And I rather you be sober. I mean, you're likely to make a mess of things even without alcohol." Joshua shuddered at the thought of a drunk Jeonghan going to the roof.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thanks for the vote of confidence." Jeonghan glared at him for his encouraging words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No problem."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a minute of silence,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You know what, Han? If you and Seungcheol were to da-"Joshua swallowed the rest of the word at Jeonghan's look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He guessed they were still speaking in riddles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried again, "If you think about it's actually pretty convenient to live together and be in the same group instead of having to figure out secret meetings outside." Joshua wondered how many idols would love to be in his friends' shoes. To be able to have their loved ones always nearby and at hand—hug them in public under the cheering of the fans. Even having the company freaking encourage it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hiding in plain sight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The perfect cover. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Since you have it all figured out, what don't you just go on the damn roof yourself." Jeonghan sniffed at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, thank you. To each their own taste. And personally, I'm not into biting."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not judging you, though. Like I said to each their own." Joshua smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua thought that Jeonghan's glare would be more effective without the blush creeping up his cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, Joshua couldn't wait for this thing to be resolved. He had loads of teasing material.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He'd been holding himself back too much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua couldn't help but smile as he picked up his laptop to resume his show leaving his best friend to stare at his phone. The rest wasn't up to him anyway. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was harder than I thought. </p><p>I re-wrote this over and over and the more I read it the less satisfied I was. </p><p>The good news is that the Chapter 3 was way closer to completion than this one so it shouldn't take long.<br/>Thank you for the kudos, subscriptions, Bookmarks, etc, and most importantly thank you for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. And Now...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Believe it or not, Seungcheol had a feeling something would happen. He didn’t say it out loud or anything. He didn’t even know what it meant. But despite his head being a mess, Seungcheol still remembered the scene from earlier…</p><p>
  <em>A group of four, Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Joshua, and Seokmin, went to buy drinks in a store in the neighborhood while the rest were left in charge of cleaning. The four of them were the “lucky” ones who got out of the unpleasant cleaning task. Cleaning the 6<sup>th</sup>-floor apartment was hard, to put it mildly. Really, they usually only cleaned before making a bigger mess.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>On their way home, Seungcheol was dragging behind the three members who seemed engaged in a fun discussion. Looking at the laughing figures, it felt like SeokSooHan plus Seungcheol as an extra. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jeonghan turned to tell him to hurry up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hurry, Cheollie! You’re too slow!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>As if Seungcheol was being slow on purpose. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yah, if one person has to carry everything all alone, what’s the point of a group of us going then.” He complained.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The instigator of Seungcheol’s predicament grinned back at that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Okay, sure, he did agree to the terms of their rock/paper/scissors game when Jeonghan suggested it 10 minutes ago, but only because he didn’t expect to lose. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Could it be that the bags are too heavy for you?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jeonghan knew that Seungcheol was particularly proud of his strength, and he enjoyed taunting him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No, they’re not. It’s just for the principle.” Seungcheol replied through gritted teeth. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A peal of delighted laughter answered him.  Seungcheol wished he could join in on the joke.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wasn’t fooling anyone with his answer. He was visibly sweating and breathing hard, and his arms were burning from the strain. Thankfully the heat of that day was combined with strong winds, or else he would be drenched.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jeonghan ended up stopping long enough for Seungcheol to catch up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Want some help ?" he asked in a cute voice, holding a hand out to Seungcheol. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Looking at Jeonghan, his twinkling eyes, soft strands of hair fluttering in the wind, Seungcheol blanked for a few seconds. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A universal truth that anyone with working eyes could agree on, was that Jeonghan was beautiful. Seungcheol himself said it out loud all the time. </em>
  <em>Why was he suddenly appreciating Jeonghan's visuals in the middle of the street under the hot sun? Seungcheol didn't know. He just had this feeling inside, spreading from his chest to his throat. Seungcheol could almost taste it in his mouth. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well?" Jeonghan's voice snapped him out of his daze. </em>
</p><p>…Seungcheol was too caught up in that overwhelming feeling to be annoyed at Jeonghan skipping away with a small bag of snacks after he accepted his offer of help. Yoon Jeonghan was as crafty as he was stunning. </p><p>By the time they arrived, Seungcheol had pushed the thought away.</p><p>After experienced the same feeling earlier, he identified it.   </p><p>Longing.</p><p>Pure and unadulterated longing. </p><p>When they singled him out as a flirt, his initial reaction was genuine. His disagreement and confusion were real even if Seungcheol exaggerated slightly, making a show out of it. </p><p>Their members liked to tease. Everyone got teased, but some members' reactions were  'more entertaining,' namely Seungkwan, Chan, and Seungcheol. Honestly, Seungcheol didn’t mind it as much as he pretended most of the time, He was just playing along. He did enjoy the attention and the opportunity to be someone who could be unreasonable, pout, and act cute.</p><p>For similar reasons, he truly cherished their drinking sessions. Seungcheol liked these moments where he could just let go of his role and just enjoy himself. When it was just them, where they lost their inhibitions – the few they still had left - and could be completely free in front of each other. Seungcheol liked to hear his members' unfiltered thoughts, to see them completely unguarded. It could be an opportunity to get answers to the questions he would never dream of asking while sober.</p><p>So yeah, after the results of the last round, Seungcheol was genuinely protesting. However, once they mentioned Jeonghan, he began to contemplate where it could lead. He was fully aware that his flustered protests would egg them on. Seungcheol wasn't proud to admit it, but even after taking one look at Jeonghan and his mortified – almost scared expression – he'd still wanted to push things. Single-minded, in his attempt to satisfy his curiosity. The longing in his chest was more present than ever.</p><p>What he was curious to see happened he didn’t even know. </p><p>Mere minutes later, the door slammed, putting an end to things. Jeonghan had left, leaving Seungcheol feeling stupid and regretful.</p><p>Right.</p><p>Cornering and calling out Jeonghan was never the way to go. And no matter what he wanted to see, he was wrong to not consider his friend in the equation. </p><p><em>Maybe it’s not that he sensed something would happen</em>, Seungcheol thought.</p><p><em>Maybe he just hoped something would</em>.</p><p>How could he be so greedy for something and not be able to put it in words?</p><p>Around him, the scene was beyond chaotic. Perfectly mirroring his inner turmoil.</p><p>Across from him, Mingyu and Seungkwan were arguing. Nothing new there.</p><p>“…Look at what you did!” Seungkwan was saying.</p><p>“What <em>I</em> did? What about you?” Mingyu countered just as fierce.</p><p>The two boys were in each other's face, one looking up and the other leaning down.</p><p>“<em>You’re </em>the one who made it worse. You always do!"</p><p>"That's not even true, Seungkwan! You know very well what sent Hyung running. I quote, ' Isn't it why you changed your seat? Because Hyung's flirting was getting too much' remember that?" Mingyu was mimicking Seungkwan’s tone and sardonic expression almost perfectly.</p><p>“Ughh, you're driving me crazy!” replied Seungkwan making a show of wiping the spittle that landed on his face.</p><p>“Because you know I’m right!” Mingyu countered, indifferent to the provoking gesture.  </p><p>Next to them, Seokmin, sweet Seokmin, was crying. Tears, snot and all. From drinking too much or because of the situation, it was hard to tell. Seungcheol thought that it was probably a combination.</p><p>He was babbling, "I'm sorry, Hyung, don't be mad, come back."</p><p>Meanwhile, Wonwoo was… singing.</p><p>Going, “ba ba ba ba ba ” fingers in his ears to tune out the rest.</p><p>Jun, well, he seemed to be talking to himself. Mumbling and twisting his head like he was pondering a difficult problem. He was also in the middle of finishing their snacks at an alarming speed.</p><p>The most peculiar one was Soonyoung. The boy was sitting up and then flopping backward on his back over and over again, letting out little shouts each time he sat up.</p><p>Seungcheol wondered when did everyone get so drunk.</p><p>There was a reason why they stayed indoors to drink most of the time. Seventeen had too much chaotic energy to begin without throwing some alcohol into the mix. Seungcheol thought that if Jeonghan was still there, he certainly wouldn’t stand for all that ruckus. But then again, if Jeonghan was still here, they wouldn’t be in this situation.</p><p>Soonyoung suddenly sat up once more, but this time got on his feet. "I'm going to go find Hyung! He's mad at all of you but not me!"</p><p>“Ba ba ba ba that’s a bad idea ba ba ba," sang Wonwoo.</p><p>“No, Soonyoung! Stop!" Jun abandoned his snacks to grab the member who passed him marching decidedly. Apparently, he was still coherent enough to quickly react.</p><p>On the side, Mingyu and Seungkwan took a break from their arguing.</p><p>"Hyung, are you stupid?" Seungkwan seemed to be genuinely questioning Soonyoung.</p><p>“Not mad at you? Don’t you remember what you said?” Mingyu added.</p><p>“Lemme go!” Soonyoung ignored the two, fighting to break free.</p><p>“No! You're - huff - not - ah going.” Even though he was easily towering over the slender boy Jun struggling to hold him in place.</p><p>"You're not going, Hyung…" Seokmin had stood up quietly.</p><p>The rest assumed it was to help them reason with Soonyoung.</p><p>“…I’m the one who should go,” Seokmin nodded to himself.</p><p>
  <em>Not quite l. </em>
</p><p>“Seokmin-ah, not you too," said Jun, hands full with Soonyoung, "Woonwoo, a little help, please?"</p><p>“Sure.” Wonwoo grabbed onto Seokmin leg as the boy passed him.</p><p>Still singing.</p><p>He was really gone, Seungcheol thought distantly.</p><p>Watching Seokmin physically dragging Wonwoo across the living room as the older boy tried to keep him from advancing, Seungcheol felt that he should really intervene.</p><p> </p><p>“KLANG”</p><p> </p><p>Wincing and groaning at the noise, the boys turned to see Jihoon holding the metal lids.</p><p>“Yah!”</p><p>“What the heck!”</p><p>Contrary to popular belief or rather carats’ belief, Jihoon wasn't in the habit of scaring people into submission. Sure, he wasn't a pushover and was blunt with his opinion. Still, as an only child, he didn't have much experience making others obey him or imposing his will. He could either be found laughing or watching what was happening from the sidelines during the crazy moments.</p><p>Jihoon rarely swooped in to take charge of things. He didn't like it, and he didn't need to with people like Seungcheol and Jeonghan and occasionally Mingyu and Seungkwan around. Now though, the younger duo was in the middle of arguing and adding to the problem. Jeonghan was gone, and since he left, their leader seemed to be out of commission. Jihoon ignored the angry interjections and held up the pot lids threateningly. </p><p>"Keep it down. It's late. Think about the neighbors." seeing that they were actually listening, Jihoon became more confident. "Seokmin-ah, Soonyoung, you're not going after Jeonghanie Hyung.” He gave a quick glance to Seungcheol. "I don't think it matters who said what or who did what. We can apologize later if we need to. But right now, the only person who maybe should talk Jeonghan is…"</p><p>Jihoon trailed off, pointedly staring at Seungcheol.</p><p>The others also looked at Seungcheol, waiting to see what he would do.</p><p>Groaning, Seungcheol put his hands in his face.</p><p>“Hyung?”  prompted Seokmin, blinking away the leftover tears in his eyes.</p><p> "I don’t know…” they heard him mumble through his hands. “I don't know, I don't know."</p><p>“Seungcheol” called Jihoon dropping the Hyung.</p><p>“I don’t know. What you want me to say?” Seungcheol lifted his head up eventually and answered him. His eyes seemed to be asking for something. The confusion on his face was apparent.</p><p>Confusion mixed in with some guilt.</p><p> </p><p>Jihoon held back a sigh. Sometimes his oldest friend was a handful. Quite the opposite of Jihoon, who kept things rational, almost clinical, Seungcheol always seemed to be in the rawest state, emotions overflowing. </p><p>Regardless, this wasn’t easy for Jihoon, so he needed Seungcheol to step it up and cooperate. </p><p>He held the older stare, not backing down. </p><p>"Are we still doing that thing where we don’t talk about it?"</p><p>Mingyu broke the spell.</p><p>They all turned to glare at him as one, well all minus Seungcheol.</p><p>"What? I'm just asking! " defended Mingyu.</p><p>"What thing?" asked Seungcheol.</p><p> </p><p>Strangely enough, while he was trying hard to sort his thoughts, it looked like the kids had many things figured out.</p><p>"Humm, you and Jeonghan hyung? Whatever you have going on?" Wonwoo's hand was gesturing to help to convey his meaning.</p><p>It didn’t work.</p><p>"Nothing is going on. We're just same-aged friends ." Seungcheol heard himself say mechanically, wondering why his face was getting hot. </p><p>"Right," Wonwoo replied, unconvinced. </p><p>"Wh-what are you trying to say? “ spluttering, Seungcheol tried to keep looking at Wonwoo, but he ended up hiding his face again.</p><p>This time it wasn’t an act.</p><p>He couldn't figure out what was happening. What were they even talking about?  The chaos from before seemed more comforting than the current silence with all the eyes on him, neighbors be damned.</p><p>"Hyung, it's not up to us to tell you what you feel and what you should do about it," said Jun. He looked around at the rest of the group, and they seemed to be nodding along, agreeing.</p><p>"We just want you to know it’s okay." continued Wonwoo, eyes solemn. "<em>Whatever</em> it is, it's okay. We're okay, and it's all going to be okay. I'm okay, you're okay, Jeonghan-Hyung is okay, Seokmin is okay, Jun is okay, Ming-."</p><p>"You're drunk, Wonwoo-hyung." Seungkwan cut him off.</p><p>"No, no. Wonwoo is right. What we mean is life is short so just be happy. Be happy now." said Jun grabbing Seungcheol shoulder.</p><p>"That's exactly it, Jun.". Wonwoo raised his glass toward Jun.</p><p>They all watched as he tried to drink an empty glass. Soonyoung started giggling uncontrollably, amused to death by his best friend's antics. </p><p>Sidestepping the laughing tiger rolling about on the floor, Jihoon came to crouch on the other side of Seungcheol.</p><p>"Seungcheol, I really think you should talk to Jeonghan. It'd be–"</p><p> </p><p>“BEEEEP”</p><p> </p><p>The locking sound of the front door interrupted Jihoon.</p><p>“Hi! I have food! Who’s already drunk?"</p><p>Taking off his shoes quickly, Chan barged in with the brightest smile and…</p><p>"Chicken!" yelled Seokmin happily.</p><p>The boys quickly swarmed up their maknae, everything else forgotten.</p><p>Chan's arrival diffused the pressure on Seungcheol.</p><p>"What is going on?"</p><p>"Nothing Chan-ah," Mingyu responded, already munching on some chicken. "How was the movie?" </p><p>"Where's Hansollie?" asked Seungkwan.</p><p>"He went up first. 'Said he was tired. "</p><p>"humph” at that answer, Seungkwan puffed his cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>Jihoon was the only one who didn't move to join the race for the chicken. He remained next to Seungcheol.</p><p>Sensing that it would be hard to keep talking in the main area, he gestured for Seungcheol to follow him to his room.</p><p>"Hyung, let's go to my room to talk."</p><p>“Hey! I want to come too!” Mingyu interjected, mouth full of chicken.</p><p>“No. Mingyu, stay," Jihoon responded without looking back.</p><p>“Stay? “asked Mingyu indignant, "What am I? A dog?"</p><p>“Oh? You didn’t know?” They heard an amused Wonwoo responding as Jihoon closed the door behind them.</p><p>He didn’t feel like climbing on the high beds was the right move. So, he pulled a chair from his desk and motioned for Seungcheol to sit while he leaned against the desk. </p><p>“I don't know what you're thinking right now, Seungcheol."</p><p>Seungcheol snorted, shaking his head, "That makes two of us."</p><p>Jihoon sighed. He felt awkward.</p><p>He wasn't good at this type of stuff.</p><p>Just because he wrote about love didn't mean that he knew a lot about relationships.</p><p>In fact, it was quite the opposite.</p><p>Jihoon often admitted that he found his inspiration from observing. He could draw a lot of material from movies, dramas, friends, or his closest resource, his members. </p><p>He definitely wrote some lines inspired by moments he witnessed between the two eldest members.</p><p>It wasn’t that Jihoon tried to speculate as to the nature of their relationship. What they felt and what was going on between them was their business. Nevertheless, he couldn't help but write about the things he saw. Some of them wouldn't be out of place in a romantic relationship or in a relationship where two people were in love with each other.</p><p>It was the stares, the silences, the easiness between them. There was so much beauty in how his hyungs behaved with each other.</p><p>Sigh.</p><p>Now Jihoon was in this position where he should say something but didn't want to overstep. But maybe it was too late to worry about that.</p><p>Earlier, even if he didn’t say anything, he wasn’t entirely blameless. He didn’t stop them and was even amused at the happenings. All he hoped was that he wouldn't make a mess of things. Or at least not make it worse than whatever his two hyungs were doing on their own.</p><p>So, Jihoon steeled himself and said</p><p>“Go for it.” His tone was soft, almost unsure.</p><p>He didn't want to sound as if he was asking Seungcheol to do something with Jeonghan. That really wasn’t his place, and the thought made him blush.</p><p>He cleared his throat and tried again.</p><p>"Don't hold back, Hyung."</p><p>That was better, Jihoon thought.</p><p>His friend, though, was shaking his head. The reaction appeared almost automatic. </p><p>“But I’m the leader I-”</p><p>He trailed off, lost.</p><p>Jihoon thought it was interesting that Seungcheol could seem confused about what they were hinting at yet and be so quick to respond like that. </p><p>"I'm a leader too, Hyung. Maybe it's not the same as the burden you carry but…" <em>How to get his meaning across? </em></p><p>Jihoon decided to start over again.</p><p>”I truly love all of you” He seemed shy about such matters but would drop things like that with no warning. He saw Seungcheol blinking at him a couple of times before responding.</p><p>"And I love you too, Jihoon, we all do."</p><p>Looking away with a shy smile Jihoon continued.</p><p>“I think… Seventeen is Seventeen because we truly love each other.” He paused, trying to see if Seungcheol was getting anything out of his words.</p><p>He couldn’t tell.</p><p>"And because we love each other, we all want each other to be happy. We would never be against your happiness." feeling bolder, he added. "In fact, Hyung, you owe it to us to try your best to be happy. How can we encourage others to be happy if we deny it to ourselves? We’re Seventeen because of love, so love is never going to be a problem."</p><p>Jihoon rushed to finish, wondering if he made any sense at all.</p><p>Hopefully, it was clearer than Wonwoo and Jun’s tentative out there.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol could see Jihoon willing him to understand with his eyes. Jihoon words unlocked something for Seungcheol. That or they only forced him to acknowledge the stuff locked inside him.</p><p>After it was established that he would be the leader, Seungcheol tried his best to live up to the expectations.</p><p>The main thing was getting rid of his tendencies as the youngest child.</p><p>For instance, being self-centered. Seungcheol tried to make his heart 'bigger'. To think of everyone and not just himself and also to make space for his members and their fans in his small heart.</p><p>Being selfish, that was another side of himself that he had to learn to curb. Everything wasn't all about him. He didn't get to hog the spotlight and get the best things for himself. And mostly, Seungcheol didn’t get to do what he wanted all the time.</p><p>To suppress things and put the well-being of the team first. From his understanding of that role, that it was what it meant to be a leader. Before long, it became natural.</p><p>Deep inside, Seungcheol kept a box filled with things that wouldn’t benefit Seventeen. He was aware of its existence but also in the habit of ignoring what was inside.</p><p>Over the years, he piled many things inside of that box, things he wanted to say, to do, and to feel.</p><p>It wasn't hard.</p><p>It just was.</p><p>Seventeen was his precious family, his <strong>duty</strong>. They needed to come first.</p><p>So yes, Seungcheol was holding back.</p><p>Holding back a lot of things.</p><p>That imaginary box helped Seungcheol stay strong, stay focused, and prioritize the team. At the time, he believed it was something necessary.</p><p>But, apparently, the box had a hole.</p><p>A Jeonghan sized hole.</p><p>From the moment the boy arrived in his life until now, it seemed his place in Seungcheol heart only seemed to grow.</p><p>The rest could obviously see it. <em>What about Jeonghan? Did he also see?</em></p><p>Right now, Seungcheol still assumed that it would be selfish of him to want that and not worry about the consequences.</p><p>“Is that not me being selfish?” He asked Jihoon. He hated how weak he sounded.</p><p>Seungcheol felt like he was asking his friend to give him permission. To tell him it was okay to do what he wanted and not worry about the consequences.</p><p>The answer he got was contrary to his expectations.</p><p>"Yes, it is," said Jihoon. Smiling at the face, Seungcheol was making he added.</p><p>“But we need you to be selfish, Hyung. We want you to keep some of your heart for yourself. Don’t give it all away.”</p><p> </p><p>Jihoon sounded so sure so reasonable as if he wasn’t pulling apart the rules Seungcheol lived by.</p><p>“How-“</p><p>Seungcheol didn’t know how to finish.</p><p>
  <em>Seventeen comes first. </em>
</p><p>He thought he was doing the right thing.</p><p>
  <em>You're the leader. </em>
</p><p>That it was what everyone needed from him.</p><p>
  <em>You're the oldest</em>
</p><p>Seungcheol took a halting breath.</p><p>
  <em>Seventeen comes …</em>
</p><p>As a leader, he learned how to listen. How to let the members tell him what they needed from him. And if their needs aligned with his deepest desires, maybe it was okay.</p><p>Maybe, just maybe Seungcheol didn’t need to repress everything.</p><p>Seungcheol was honestly marveling at Jihoon's way with words.</p><p>"No wonder you write such pretty lyrics." mused Seungcheol out loud.</p><p>He knew nothing was really solved. This needed to happen in another conversation, but his heart was lighter? Yes, he felt a bit lighter and also a bit eager.</p><p> </p><p>Jihoon was watching all that was happening on his friend's face. Their oldest was an open book.</p><p>“Okay?” Jihoon asked him.</p><p>“Okay.” His friend replied, testing the word.</p><p>“Good.”Jihoon nodded back, relieved.</p><p>It seemed that he didn’t mess up anything after all. Now he could go and enjoy his chicken.</p><p>The others better have left him some.</p><p>"Right, just go talk to him then." Jihoon reached the door. </p><p>"What like now? Right now."</p><p>Hearing the startled tone, Jihoon couldn't help but groan. He thought they were done.</p><p>"Yes, now." He replied. "You know Hyung as well as I do. Do you really think it's a good idea to push off this conversation after what happened out there?"</p><p>"No," admitted Seungcheol, "but Jeonghan doesn't like being cornered."</p><p>"True, and I'm suggesting a conversation not to corner him."</p><p>That's how Jihoon viewed it anyway. It didn't mean Jeonghan would think of it the same way, though, but what could he do.</p><p>"If you want my opinion, I think you shouldn't wait to talk to him," Jihoon shrugged to convey it was up to Seungcheol.</p><p>“What about Jeonghan, though? "</p><p>“What about him?”</p><p>“Do you think hum is it For- He- I ?”</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol was wincing at his inability to make a sentence, and he could see Jihoon mirroring his wince, probably at being unable to escape this discussion.</p><p>Jihoon shook his head. “Don’t ask me, just talk to him.”</p><p>"I know, I will, I promise I will," he said, "But what do YOU think? He ran away, so what if…"</p><p>Seungcheol's heart was beating fast. His hands were clammy.</p><p>"Jeonghan-hyung running away doesn’t mean anything bad. It's just what he does. He may have his reasons just like you. Just sitting here speculating at what he's thinking won't do any good." Jihoon opened the door.</p><p>Seungcheol wasn't convinced, but he didn't keep on arguing. </p><p>“Jihoon?”</p><p>"Hmm," Seungcheol didn’t even feel offended at the apparent reluctance of that response.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>Seungcheol hoped Jihoon understood what he meant. <em>Thank you for listening, for caring, for going out of your comfort zone, and for being a friend. </em></p><p>The smaller boy just waved a hand to signify it was nothing.</p><p>"Oh, and Seungcheol? I’m looking forward to you two giving me more material for our next album." Jihoon walked away, leaving behind a sputtering Seungcheol.</p><p>Was he hinting that he had used them before?</p><p>Seungcheol's head was spinning, and he felt like he had a permanent blush on his cheeks.</p><p>For now, he curbed the need to follow his friend to ask when exactly he wrote about them. Jihoon was right. Thinking about it on his own wouldn't help. Seungcheol left his friend's room for the bathroom. He needed to refreshen up a bit. Looking at his face in the mirror, he definitely looked tipsy. He also felt it.</p><p>If Seungcheol knew he would have a ‘talk’ with Jeonghan today, he wouldn't have – actually, no, that's a lie. He probably would have drunk even more for some liquid courage. There was a reason Koreans liked to drink in all circumstances. It was much easier to talk that way.</p><p>His pale skin was flushed and he noticed his eye bags were slightly more pronounced due to fatigue or alcohol. His eyes though remained clear.Seungcheol splashed some water on his face and neck, trying to get rid of the perspiration from drinking and sober up.He rinsed his mouth too. Seungcheol was tempted to brush his teeth but thought that it would be a bit too obvious.</p><p>He didn’t want Jeonghan to think he was assuming stuff…</p><p>Oh man, Seungcheol’s heart was pounding. The feeling of expectation was back.</p><p>Drying up quickly, he left the bathroom.</p><p>“Hyung, can we eat your share?” Mingyu asked when he passed by the group.</p><p>"Hm," He answered distractedly, heading for his own room. Seungcheol found a clean black t-shirt to change into. With him not taking a shower, changing clothes was the next best thing. Knowing himself, he didn’t want to delay too much and lose his nerves.</p><p>Seungcheol came out and told the rest he was going up to the 8<sup>th</sup> floor.</p><p>Thankfully the boys didn't make any jokes or comments.</p><p>"You really don’t want any chicken hyung?" Chan asked, holding a piece toward him.</p><p>Seungcheol smiled at the maknae. He leaned down and ate directly from Chan's fingers.</p><p>"Thanks, Chan-ah," he said around the drumstick, rubbing their maknae’s head fondly. </p><p> </p><p>Seated on the rooftop, Seungcheol was repeating Jihoon words like a mantra. At the last minute, he changed his mind about going to the 8th floor. He didn't want Jeonghan to feel trapped. Instead, he sent him a text to join him on the rooftop. </p><p>They didn't use the roof nearly enough. Looking around at the pretty setup, Seungcheol felt that it was a shame. They had a nice corner with lights, comfortable chairs, couches, drapes, small tables, and plants. About half of it was already there when they moved in, but they added their own touch. The members excitedly carried furniture up with Mingyu and Minghao leading the decorating session. They set everything up in the corner for privacy purposes. It would be tough to get a shot of them from that angle.</p><p>It was a common roof, and at first, Seungcheol assumed it would be hard to use it. The reality was that the rest of the tenants didn't seem to come up very often, and Seventeen members were too busy most of the time.</p><p>Seungcheol had given up on trying to formulate a perfect speech. He wasn’t good at those anyway. He would just let his heart do the talking.</p><p>The evening was warm and windy. A strange combination for Seungcheol, to have the wind was blowing hard but not feel cold. Instead, at that moment, he felt emboldened, like the air was heavy with something.</p><p>A wind of possibility.</p><p>Seungcheol could almost taste it, or perhaps he was just foolish with hope. </p><p>He wasn't sure how long he had been waiting when he heard the door opened.</p><p>Seungcheol heart started to accelerate.</p><p>He waited.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading.<br/>This took longer than I wanted. Two reasons.<br/>1. I realized I probably should split the last chapter in 2. Not to drag things on or anything but it was just too much jammed in one chapter and it could be unbalanced? Also I'm trying to keep the word counts consistent.<br/>2. I've been unable to find the time to write, I've been busy and just too tired when I have time. I've dozed off trying to edit this chapter many times lol. I've been so determined to complete and post too many times already just to end up giving up to sleep instead.</p><p>In addition, it's comeback season big sigh. </p><p>And anyway it's been a bit of a struggle to make sure I keep everything consistent, I'm a bit of an incoherent mess. I wanted to post chapters 3 and 4 together to make up for the fact that I'm adding a new chapter but oh well this one is done so here you go. I'm editing chapter 4 right now. Fingers crossed for a speedy update. I really want to complete this soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. ...The Final Frame</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jeonghan and Seungcheol finally talk.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jeonghan was reluctant.</p><p>Without even seeing him, Seungcheol could sense Jeonghan’s hesitation. The place where Seungcheol was waiting was not right by the entrance but didn’t take very long to reach.</p><p>Which meant Jeonghan was stalling.</p><p>Seungcheol wasn't the most patient person, but he remained seated, unwilling to startle his friend. Frankly, he still had a hard time believing Jeonghan came. It was a relief, and he was aware that he needed to tread carefully. Seungcheol didn't know if he would be able to talk it out later with Jeonghan if the boy didn't come that night. Now, hopefully, Jeonghan wouldn't turn around. <em>He was fully capable of that. </em></p><p>
  <em>And hopefully, Seungcheol wouldn’t fuck up.</em>
</p><p>What felt like an eternity later but was probably just a couple of minutes, Jeonghan appeared in front of Seungcheol.</p><p>Eyes looking down, biting his lips, Jeonghan was reeking of nerves from head to toes. He had his arms crossed over his middle in a familiar nervous posture.</p><p>Jeonghan was wearing sleep clothes, and Seungcheol'seyes couldn't help but take in the bare legs and the soft collarbone exposed from the loose shirt. The oversize shirt emphasizing the boy's slender frame. So thin. Right after comebacks, Jeonghan always seemed more...fragile, losing weight before and even more during the busy promotion schedule. Earlier, when he was leaning on the younger one, he felt how thin he had become.</p><p>Seungcheol stared at the friend he knew so well. His gaze, full of intent in a way it wasn't before. Well...at least not consciously<em>. </em>Jeonghan showered. Seungcheol noticed with a wince. He should have showered too. He really hoped he didn't smell bad.</p><p><em>Well, Jeonghan would have no problem letting him know if he did, </em>Seungcheol thought. He shook his head. He felt silly at the way he was suddenly self-conscious with his friend.</p><p>Seungcheol realized they were spending too much time in silence. He cleared his throat, "Want to sit ?" While Seungcheol's eyes didn't leave Jeonghan, the slender boy was consciously not looking at him.</p><p>After a slight pause, Jeonghan jerked his head in agreement. Stiff. His eyes roaming like he was unsure of where to sit. When Jeonghan moved to walk past him, having made a decision, Seungcheol stopped him. Unsurprisingly, the hand he grabbed was as clammy as Seungcheol’s.</p><p>"Sit next to me?" <em>please</em> Seungcheol added silently.</p><p>He wished he could pull Jeonghan on his lap, needing to seek comfort in the physical touch, the way he so often did.</p><p>Jeonghan hesitated for another second, but he sat down next to Seungcheol. Not too close.</p><p>He quickly took back his hand, as well—all without glancing at Seungcheol.</p><p>Seungcheol tried not to feel hurt at that. Any rejection from Jeonghan always stung in private. In public, he understood. Whether Jeonghan was being playful, uncomfortable, and just couldn’t be bothered with the shippers, Seungcheol didn’t mind. But out of the public view, Seungcheol couldn't help but take things personally.</p><p>He wished Jeonghan would at least look at him.</p><p>Seungcheol couldn’t say for sure how Jeonghan felt about him. Jeonghan was clear about what he didn’t like, very clear. It was everything else that he remained mysterious about.</p><p>The text message he sent was vague. Seungcheol didn't say what he wanted to talk about, but it was obviously related to Jeonghan abrupt departure and what caused it.</p><p>For all, Jeonghan knew Seungcheol could just be wanting to ask if he was upset or something. Yet, looking at Jeonghan and the anxiety radiating from his side profile Seungcheol wondered if he should feel hopeful. <em>He was anxious because he felt the same, right? </em>Seungcheol thought.</p><p>Or maybe Jeonghan noticed 'stuff,' and he was worried Seungcheol wanted something from him, something he couldn't give.</p><p>He winced at the thought.</p><p>"I'm sorry for the boys getting too …" Seungcheol stopped, uncertain. He was going to say nosey, but then that would imply something was going on that they wanted to keep private. And while it wasn't exactly wrong, it wasn't the truth either.</p><p>"It's fine. I was just tired, and the alcohol got to me," said Jeonghan, unbothered by the unfinished statement. Probably happy to not have things spelled out.</p><p>"Right."  Familiar with Jeonghan's deflecting nature, Seungcheol almost expected this type of answer response, but he hoped for more.</p><p>"Jeonghan-ah,  about...earlier, I want to apologize. I shouldn't have- I should have stopped things." Seungcheol assumed it was probably not the best time to confess to his selfish intentions."I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. ...But since we're here now and things were said - jokes or not - maybe we could talk."</p><p>He could hear his heart beating in his chest and wondered if Jeonghan could too.</p><p>Jeonghan pressed his lips together and didn't say anything. Seungcheol waited. He didn't want to break the silence.</p><p>"You say that..." A hesitant tone, "But what is there to talk about?"</p><p>
  <em>Really?</em>
</p><p>"Well, you know I mean-"</p><p>"They were jokes like you said.”</p><p>"Yes, but we-"</p><p>“Then that's it. What else is there to discuss.” Jeonghan's chin is set, stubborn.</p><p>"What no, of course, there's still-"</p><p>"Or do you think we need to have a talk with them?"</p><p>"Jeonghan." Seungcheol raised his voice.</p><p>"Yes?" What was maddening was that he still wasn't looking at Seungcheol.</p><p>"You keep cutting me off."Seungcheol had a rueful smile. "I was hoping we could actually <em>talk to each othe</em>r, you know."</p><p>"Well, what do you want to say? What do you want <em>me</em> to say?" Seungcheol finally picked up on the strain in Jeonghan's voice. It was as close as Jeonghan came to the actual matter since he joined Seungcheol on the roof, and he still wasn't saying anything concrete.</p><p>
  <em>Neither was Seungcheol, to be honest.</em>
</p><p>He looked away from Jeonghan, trying to fight off the disappointment rising in his throat. He knew it wouldn't be as simple as sitting down and talking. He didn't know how to force the issue, and he probably wouldn't succeed if he tried. Seungcheol had yet to outargue Yoon Jeonghan. Also, he was, of course, afraid of rejection. Jeonghan could just say, "sorry, I don't feel the same way," and that was a terrifying thought. </p><p>But in a way, Seungcheol was more afraid of things staying the same.</p><p>He sighed. Maybe he should have brought a bottle of Soju with him.</p><p>Seungcheol leaned back on the nice pillows. It seems that with Jeonghan next to him, he was getting caught up in what he wanted to hear. He messed up earlier because he was only focused on what he wanted, and he didn't want to do it again.</p><p>Alright, well, Seungcheol's feelings were his own, and it was hard to accept that all he felt was just him and him alone, but he would if that was truly the case.</p><p>Seungcheol hoped for a lot, he wanted everything, but he would settle for just talking things out. </p><p>“It’s really windy tonight.”</p><p>"What?” He felt Jeonghan’s eyes on him. It was just a quick glance but <em>finally.</em></p><p>“It's nice. We’re not even sweating.”</p><p>Jeonghan was quick when he wasn't pretending to not understand. Seungcheol knew he could figure out what he was doing. Diffusing the tension.</p><p>It was just them, Seungcheol and Jeonghan. They could do this. They could talk.</p><p>“Yeah, I guess it’s nice." Jeonghan eventually replied.</p><p>"We haven’t come up here in a while. The janitor is taking good care of the plants. Remember when we picked this one? Seungcheol pointed at the pot of Boston Fern.</p><p>Jeonghan snorted," Yeah, Seungkwan made such a fuss about this plant."</p><p>They both chuckled, remembering how badly Seungkwan wanted the plant, praising its air purifying properties even though it was for a roof and not an apartment.</p><p>Trading more comments about their surroundings and recalling the weekend they spend, arranging their little corner of the roof. They eased into a more relaxed atmosphere.</p><p>"We should come up here more often." Seungcheol said, inspired, he added, "Why don’t we plan for it this week? We can grill some meat or something?"</p><p>"It’s your treat then."</p><p>"Yah." He said fake angry but secretly happy that jeonghan was playing along.</p><p>They fell into silence. Tentatively Seungcheol reached for Jeonghan's hand again. The boy tensed up slightly, but with a sigh, he allowed him to take his hand. This small thing was enough to brighten Seungcheol's mood. It was a bit pathetic how he was a bumbling mess of hope.</p><p>But he just wanted <em>them</em>.</p><p>Seungcheol didn't interlace their fingers. Instead, he held the hand in both of his and started playing with it. Pressing into the palm and then rubbing tiny circles on the back of the hand.</p><p>After a few minutes, when he moved to twisting the fingers, marveling at their flexibility, "Is it just me?" Seungcheol asked, voice soft. He swallowed nervously after asking.</p><p>He would keep trying.</p><p>"It's not..."  The response came faster than he thought."...just you". </p><p>Seungcheol has barely time to process before Jeonghan turns to him.</p><p>"It's not just you, but so what Seungcheol? It's too risky. What would the CEO say? What about the members? Maybe the jokes are to let us know it's too much? We can't be selfish and put everyone at risk." Jeonghan voice was going higher. "What if dispatch finds out? What if one of us has to leave? What if it's not real? What if we're just being caught up? A-are you even? What if you're just confused? What do you even know ?"</p><p>Seungcheol heart jumped, "Do you really mean that?" Seungcheol asked.</p><p>Jeonghan looked exasperated.</p><p>Yes, Seungcheol heard the worry in Jeonghan's voice, read the anguish in his eyes, understood the very valid issue he raised, but mostly he heard that he wasn't alone in this.</p><p><em>Jeonghan felt it too.</em> He couldn't stop the smile stretching his lips.</p><p>He was smiling as much as Jeonghan was frowning.</p><p>Squeezing the hand he was holding, he felt the fear finally leave him.</p><p>"Thank you," he said, his voice thick.</p><p>"You- Don't say that you know we-" Jeonghan was shaking his head, furiously trying to take back his hand. "We can't do that. Listen! We <em>can't.</em>"</p><p>Seungcheol didn't let go of his hand.</p><p>Yoon Jeonghan had <em>feelings</em> for him.</p><p>Seungcheol wasn't afraid of public condemnation or anything.</p><p>Really Seungcheol liked what he liked, and that was that. He didn't overthink stuff. The thing stopping him from acknowledging this was his own wrapped sense of leadership. Even then, his members had seen through him, and they said it was okay. His precious dongsaengs went out of their way to give them their blessings. Since the members said it was fine, Seungcheol would happily take on the company or the world.</p><p>Unfortunately, Jeonghan missed that part and wasn't on the same page. Maybe Seungcheol could help him get there.</p><p>"Hani?" Seungcheol felt some of his nerves coming back, but he pushed through, "I like you."</p><p>He ignored the heat on his cheeks, and observed Jeonghan's reaction to his words, carefully cataloging every single change. He saw the eyes widening, the slight tension. Jeonghan let out a frustrated sound, almost a whimper.</p><p><em>"</em>We don't get to do this Cheol, it's not okay." Jeonghan stopped looking at him like he couldn't handle what he was seeing, "You drank too much you don't know what you're saying."</p><p>Well, that stung. That wasn't quite the ideal response to a confession.</p><p>Yoon Jeonghan was a liar, but his words would always affect Seungcheol.</p><p>"I'm not drunk, and you know it. I mean it. I-I like you." Seungcheol tried to catch the eyes of the younger one, but Jeonghan was keeping his face away, refusing to look at him</p><p>Sigh.</p><p>"Hani, we'll be fine, it's fine. I promise. The members are okay with this. Don't worry about the company for now. And we'll be okay. We're not the first ones in this situation, I'm sure."</p><p>"You know many idols dating their fellow member? <em>Male</em>-member?" Jeonghan's tone was half incredulous, half acidic.</p><p>"No, but that's the point, isn't it?" Seungcheol tried to reign his own temper. "It means they did a good job hiding it so it can be done."</p><p>"You- What kind of stupid logic is that? Because you don't know about it, so it means it's there?" Jeonghan kept pulling his hand as he talked.</p><p>"Why is that stupid? Idols date. We all know even when it doesn't end up on dispatch!" </p><p>"That's different, Seungcheol!"</p><p>They got louder without meaning too. At least Seungcheol didn't mean to, but the other boy could be so frustrating with the way he pulled apart whatever Seungcheol said.</p><p>Bickering with Jeonghan right after confessing to him, yeah, it sounded just like something they would do.</p><p>Seungcheol sighed. He let go of Jeonghan's hand. He got up and started pacing back and forth.</p><p>"What are you doing?"</p><p>He didn't respond and kept walking.</p><p>"Seungcheol."</p><p>He stopped abruptly and turned to Jeonghan.</p><p>"Okay, but what if it wasn’t you?"</p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>"What if it wasn't us? Imagine Kwannie came up to you and told you he liked Hansollie. What would you say?" Seungcheol asked, thinking that the scenario really wasn't <em>that</em> far fetched. And he could see in Jeonghan expression that he thought so too as well.</p><p>“I don’t know. I would- I don’t know.”</p><p>“Would you tell him it’s too risky? That it’s not right? " He insisted needing Jeonghan to see what he was trying to deny them."Would you forbid it?”</p><p>"Of course not. I guess I'd tell him to be careful, that we'll help them be careful," Jeonghan admitted.</p><p>"Then, for you, for us, why can't you? Are we not worth it?" Seungcheol was almost begging.</p><p>"It's not the same Seungcheol" Jeonghan looked down on his lap. "I can't, not me I-, Seungcheol I've known I was gay for years." He heard the slight tremor in his voice as Jeonghan finally said it out loud. "When I became a trainee, I pushed it aside. I didn't want that to be a liability for the group. I thought it would be fine since the only person who knew was my friend Taewoo and he only knew because I kind of confessed to him at some point. I trust him with my life. I know he would never spread rumors about me."</p><p>Seungcheol swallowed down the wave of jealousy coursing through him at that. It wasn't the time. He asked, "Why did you think you had to push that away? You know you're not the only one in the industry. Not even the only one in Seventeen."</p><p>Jeonghan had a self-deprecating smile.</p><p>"It was different for me. I couldn't add that on top of everything else. It wasn't fair."</p><p>"What do you mean fair? And 'on top of everything else,' what is everything else?"</p><p>"Do you need me to spell it out," Jeonghan grimaced. "How much of a liability do you think I could have allowed myself to be back then?"</p><p>Seungcheol felt like he was punched.</p><p>"Hani no. You're an essential part of the group. You've always been. I- you've improved so much. You work so hard, and we all see it. The company sees it too. Carats love when we perform Adore U, and they get to hear you in it." Seungcheol noticed how Jeonghan looked away at that.</p><p>Their debut song.</p><p>Sigh.</p><p>The whole ordeal had been so complicated. A series of decisions mixed with Jeonghan's own insecurity, and even though he wished it didn't end up that way, that was done. "You must realize it, Jeonghan. You're so special, and Seventeen is lucky to have you." It seems like if Seungcheol being a leader was holding him back, for Jeonghan, it was a lack of confidence. He wanted to hold Jeonghan as he was talking. It was odd to be so close to the other boy and not touch him.</p><p>"Yeah, I know, I'm much better now. I just made that decision back then based on what I knew of myself. I just, it's hard to be okay with this suddenly. And just like I've come so far, Seventeen has as well. We're doing so good how can I just risk everything?"</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan tried his hardest to not be a burden. At times he knew people assumed he wanted too much attention, but really Jeonghan just wanted to be accepted. Time had passed, and things were different, but a tiny part of him was still thinking about those days when he felt like the odd man out. The one with no stamina, no talent, struggling to learn to dance, and with weak pitchy vocals. He remembered how he wondered if he would ever fit in when he saw the members laughing and gathering together.</p><p>Now, he felt loved, adored like belonged. But Jeonghan was always fighting to keep up with the rest and not hold Seventeen back. He didn't want to be the one to hold them back. What if he just gave in to these feelings and things blew up. 'Jeonghan of Seventeen is dating a man.' 'And not just any man but the leader of his group.'</p><p>The thought made him shiver. What if he ended up dragging down Seungcheol, too, or even the whole group.</p><p>"I know I bring something to the table, I know, but still, I feel like it's not enough to be so daring to date another member." By Jeonghan's logic, the company needed to be invested in you to have your back in such a scenario. Amongst everyone, Jeonghan wasn't sure how he would fare if a scandal broke out. Maybe he was being pessimistic, but he felt like everyone would just cut the liability loose, and he wouldn't even blame them.</p><p>"Not enough?" Jeonghan knew the leader would be upset at hearing Jeonghan talk like that, but he was still startled by the intensity when Seungcheol grabbed his arms. "What in the world is it that's not enough from you?"</p><p>"Hum-I still struggle with choreos." Caught off guard, Jeonghan went with the most simple. Something that they all agreed on it.</p><p>"And you make up for it. We don't feel delayed because you work hard to keep up. You're a great dancer Jeonghan. There are no bad dancers in Seventeen, and you're certainly not the worst. You definitely don't make as many mistakes as I do for once."</p><p>"Well, my stamina is," Jeonghan trailed off.</p><p>"I know, and yet you're a member of Seventeen, known for their amazing and demanding performances. You stay on stage with us. Even when you're exhausted, you don't let us down. Never have and never will." Seungcheol kept going without giving him a chance to keep putting himself down."Your vocals have improved so much. You make all of our songs better with your voice. I love listening to the vocal unit song, and your voice is one of the biggest reasons. Carats say you have the voice of an angel. You don't need to be a powerhouse like Seokminie or Kwannie to be amazing, you know."</p><p>When he started talking, Seungcheol crouched down in front of Jeonghan, wanting to be at the same eye level.</p><p>"Do we need to talk about your visuals? You're an incredible performer, and you're much more than your visuals. But even if we're talking just visuals, even then, you stand above the rest. You walk into a room, and people can't stop looking at you. It's also an asset Jeonghan. The whole of Japan adores you, and you know how important that market is for the company. And you take care of the members so well. They love you, they adore you, and you make them feel at home with you. I haven't said a single thing that they don't all think as well. For me, I rely on you so much. I couldn't do this without you, Jeonghan. You make me a better leader, a better person, and I hope you know that." Seungcheol said all of that, staring into his eyes. It was hard for Jeonghan not to look away from the barrage of praise. It's not that Jeonghan didn't know these things, but the worst-case scenarios always came to mind when he started worrying. </p><p>Everything was off tonight. Perhaps Wonwoo had a point with his alternate realities comment.</p><p>Jeonghan was usually the one berating others for putting themselves down and lifting them up. He would shower his members with praise, in private or public, and watch them get flustered. Jeonghan himself was terrible at dealing with compliments. The worst was that Seungcheol was extremely convincing. His certainty was infectious.  So, Jeonghan deflected.</p><p>“You.."</p><p>“Me?" It was unnerving the way Seungcheol seemed eager to counter all his arguments. </p><p>"Are you even gay?" Jeonghan frowned. "Am I the next best thing, since it’s more complicated to go out and find a girl to date? I know you like girls. Maybe you're just lonely or horny or something.”</p><p>"Right, and I would be doing it all of that because I'm horny." Seungcheol rolled his eyes. He left his crouching position to sit on the low table in front of Jeonghan, their knees touching. "Also, it's funny how you don't realize that there is nothing about you that is "less complicated" Jeonghan." Seungcheol finished with a poke on his forehead.</p><p>Jeonghan rubbed the spot while glaring at Seungcheol. With a softer smile, the older boy continued. "I'm not sure what I am, but I'm sure about you. We're idols and surrounded by beauty but Hani". Seungcheol's hand reached out carefully, giving time for Jeonghan to reject his touch. Jeonghan didn't. Slowly tucking a hair behind his ear, he finished with a pained smile "out of all the beautiful people I've met - girl and boy - you're the only one who makes my heart hurt."</p><p>Heart squeezing, Jeonghan looked down.</p><p>He didn't plan for this. As a matter of fact, Jeonghan planned for the opposite of this. For the 4th time – could be 5th or 6th for all he knew – of the night, things weren't going according to plan. He was going to come up. Firmly deny things, preferably not even discuss it and close the topic. He would have done the right and safe thing, and all would be well. But he went ahead and made the biggest mistake by admitting to <em>feeling</em> something. Then he tried to get Seungcheol to agree to ignore it, knowing fully well the boy would never let it go.</p><p>
  <em>It's almost as if you wanted to be convinced.</em>
</p><p>In addition, Jeonghan was feeling a bit peeved. Just a bit. </p><p>He was the calm one, the brave one, and as far as he knew before all this, the gay one.</p><p>Looking at the Seungcheol in front of him, brimming with confidence and sounding so convincing, Jeonghan was puzzled. Where was the boy who chickened out of that Halloween picture because it was 'weird'? The boy who flinched so hard when Jeonghan gave him a finger kiss? The boy who almost fell out of his chair when Jeonghan said he could kiss him?</p><p>To see Seungcheol being so sure while Jeonghan was stuck in his fear was jarring. He was the worrier, but he was also the brave one. If Seungcheol wasn't afraid. Why was Jeonghan?</p><p>Inspiration struck him. Jeonghan wanted to see something.</p><p>He pressed his fingers to his own lips and reached for Seungcheol's. Quickly, not giving him time to think, Jeonghan put his fingers on his mouth. The boy blinked, startled then confused. Looking into Jeonghan stubborn and demanding eyes, Seungcheol seemed to recognize something. Before Jeonghan could take back his hand, Seungcheol grabbed it and held it in place. Softly, he kissed the fingers.</p><p>Jeonghan snatched back his hand. He looked away and coughed, trying to act casual as if that didn't just happen. 5th time of the night, he thought.</p><p>"How was it so easy for you? Why are you so confident about this?"</p><p>"Well, I don't know. I just accepted what I wasted time denying to myself. When you- hum left earlier, I had a talk with the kids. It helped me a lot."</p><p>"All it took to convince you was a talk?" Jeonghan wasn't hiding the disbelief in his tone. Jeonghan was given a sort of talk too, and all it did was convince him to at least show up, but here was Seungcheol about ready to confess his undying love to Jeonghan.</p><p><em>Undying love? </em>A figure of speech, of course.</p><p>Seungcheol shrugged, seeming not offended by his doubts.</p><p>"Yes, all it took was words from them cause you guys are all that matters. If it's okay with you, it's okay with me. I'm okay, you're okay, and we're okay all of that."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Seungcheol chuckled, "Just a saying. Listen, I know this feels random, but it's not. It's been years, right?"</p><p>Jeonghan let himself nod at the question in Seungcheol's stare. Yeah, it has been years for him too. He didn't when, but <em>this</em> wasn't new.</p><p>"I know you're the level-headed one, and I definitely need you to keep me on track, but on this, can you trust me? We'll be fine. We'll be careful. On camera, no one will mind us being close and off-camera, well no one knows what we're up to anyway."</p><p>It all sounded good on paper, but what if they slipped up and.."You're sure everyone is fine with this?"</p><p>Seungcheol nodded fervently. "Jihoonie told me 'Seventeen is Seventeen because we love each other.'"</p><p>Jeonghan opened wide eyes. Seems like Seungcheol realized what he thought as he hurried to rectify, "I mean not you and me not that I don't love you, but I mean love like uh the group and-." He coughed off his embarrassment and resumed more seriously,"Love is Seventeen so, me loving you is not hurting Seventeen."</p><p>Jeonghan eyes widened, thinking about his small dongsaeng saying those words. He had to blink away the moisture gathering in his eyes.</p><p>"Please," Seungcheol asked.</p><p>He wondered what Seungcheol would do if Jeonghan denied him again.</p><p>Would he keep asking? Would he back off? Would he just go back to his apartment and not bring it up again.</p><p>Was that what Jeonghan wanted?</p><p><em>No</em>.</p><p>Jeonghan looked at the boy before him. His hair curled by the heat and sweat, his eyes so full of love - love for Jeonghan, he thought with wonder - and his clenched jaw.</p><p>He decided.</p><p>"Okay, I'll trust you." Jeonghan meant Seungcheol but also the members.</p><p>He would trust them.</p><p>"Does that mean..?" Seugncheol seemed afraid to relax.</p><p>"Yes, it <em>means</em>." Jeonghan cheekily answered.</p><p>The older one beamed at him. Blinding Jeonghan with his happiness. He felt a rush of tenderness.</p><p>He hoped he wasn't making a mistake, and nothing would happen to make Seungcheol lose that smile. Jeonghan shook off the apprehension. Let's hope for the best, he thought.</p><p>Slowly Seungcheol stopped smiling. Jeonghan knew what he was going to say before the words came out. He saw the intent in the brown eyes. The air around them seemed to be filled with <em>something, </em>and Jeonghan couldn't help but bite his lips as he waited for the question.</p><p>“May I kiss you?” His voice almost a whisper. As if he was afraid to disrupt the moment.</p><p>The butterflies in his stomach. They've always been there.</p><p>It's just Seungcheol. Jeonghan recalled the words that gave him the courage to come. It was just his friend, his fellow member, just Seungcheol.</p><p>He nodded, and he saw Seungcheol swallow.</p><p>The leader carefully reached for Jeonghan, putting his hands on Jeonghan's shoulders. Those familiar hands on his shirt and uncovered skin suddenly burning hot. Seungcheol slowly leaned in, and his face filled Jeonghan's vision. That same smile. Those same eyes. The same lips he'd been staring since forever. Seungcheol's eyes were moving between Jeonghan eyes and his lips without settling on one.</p><p>Seungcheol was too slow. Jeonghan put a hand on Seungcheol knees for support, and he leaned in the rest of the way.</p><p>Their lips met. Their eyes closed.</p><p>No time did not stop. Or perhaps it did. Either way, the feeling of Seungcheol's lips left him breathless.</p><p>The kiss was very gentle, yet Jeonghan's heart was about to beat its way out of his chest. As if the moment was fragile, they were both treating it with extreme care.</p><p>He wanted more.</p><p>Jeonghan started moving his lips against Seungcheol's plush ones. He opened his mouth slightly, and the first hint of Seungcheol's taste silenced his remaining doubts. He let out a soft moan. Jeonghan knew Seungcheol with all his senses except for his taste. Now he had Choi Seungcheol's taste in his mouth. This was real. This was <em>them</em>, and it was good. So good. </p><p>Jeonghan exhaled into the kiss. He could feel Seungcheol's nose pressing against his face and the hand moving from his shoulder to his face. His own hands ended up clutching Seungcheol's shirt.</p><p>They kept things relatively chaste with their lips softly caressing against each other and barely opening their mouths.</p><p>With one final gentle brush, Seungcheol moved away.</p><p>They were still holding each other close as their eyes fluttered open. Marveling at the warm feeling of Seungcheol’s breath against his own lips, Jeonghan found Seungcheol eyes staring into him. He held the stare and anchoring himself there.</p><p>Light-headed, Jeonghan couldn’t keep the smile off his face.</p><p>He felt giddy.</p><p>The knowledge that they just kissed just too big. Jeonghan let some giggles escape him.</p><p>Seungcheol spluttered, "why?"</p><p>Hearing that sent Jeonghan in a full laugh.</p><p>"Why are you laughing ?" Seungcheol whined. It was so familiar, it made Jeonghan laugh even harder. He couldn't help it.</p><p>He was happy.</p><p>Seungcheol was his friend, his fellow member, and he just kissed him, and he was just Seugncheol. And it made Jeonghan happy.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol had a particular face for when Jeonghan made fun of him, half-exasperated and half-endeared.</p><p>He was feeling emotional, and Jeonghan was laughing nonstop.</p><p>This was everything he wanted.</p><p>The past minutes seemed almost unreal to Seungcheol.</p><p>Watching Jeonghan laugh so happily made it hard to keep up his scowling face. Even though Seungcheol lived with the boy for so many years, seeing the beautiful face bright with laughter still left him awestruck.</p><p>"What's so funny? I kiss you, and you start laughing?"</p><p>“It's cause I thought I was in a drama for a second with the way you kiss.” Jeonghan teased, eyes twinkling.</p><p>"Yah, you- really? We just started dating, and you already have complaints about how I kiss you. "</p><p>“Oh, we’re dating?”</p><p>“Are we not?” asked Seungcheol, confused.</p><p>“I don’t know." Jeonghan shrugged, "Maybe you go around kissing boys on rooftops often. How am I supposed to know I'm special?" </p><p>Seungcheol groaned, "You're determined to drive me crazy in this, too, huh?" Not able to keep a smile off his face, Seungcheol pushed Jeonghan's shoulder.</p><p>“Expect nothing less.” Jeonghan smiled back at him.</p><p>Seungcheol went back to his seat next to Jeonghan, arms and thighs touching. He was happy.</p><p>“Cheollie?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“I like you too.”</p><p>They stayed on the roof for a bit longer. Exchanging a couple of kisses before heading back down.</p><p>In front of the 8th-floor apartment, they didn't think twice before entering together. Jeonghan not letting go of Seungcheol's hand, even as they took off their shoes.</p><p>"What's that?"</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan turned to see what Seungcheol was pointing out. A note was stuck on the alarm touchpad. He pulled it off, and they read it together:</p><p>
  <em>Hi, earlier, Shua-hyung messaged us to let us know you guys were on the roof. Anyway, we hope everything went well. Just in case everyone is sleeping downstairs tonight, so you guys have the place to yourself. Jeonghan-Hyung, Seungcheol Hyung, FIGHTING! </em>
</p><p>The handwriting was clearly Soonyoung. And he added many emojis in his notes. Winking tigers.</p><p>"These brats. I guess that means I'm sleeping over." Seungcheol hesitated. "Or, If you mind, I mean, I can sleep in another room if you want."</p><p>"I don't know. It depends. Can I trust you with my virtue?"</p><p>“Shouldn’t I be asking that to the one who thinks drama kisses are too simple?”</p><p>"Are they not?" Jeonghan taunted.</p><p>Seungcheol pulled Jeonghan away from the entranced and pressed him against the wall. He didn't waste time and covered Jeonghan's mouth with his own. Jeonghan was caught off guard, and it took him a few seconds. <em>Oh, right, it was a thing now, 'kissing Seungcheol</em>.' He eagerly responded, opening his mouth to grant access to the demanding tongue. They both moaned when their tongues met. Seungcheol pressed his body even closer, and Jeonghan let his fingers tangle into his hair. He pulled on it while Seungcheol explored every inch of his mouth. Between the hard chest and the hot mouth, Jeonghan was losing his senses.</p><p>They parted with their lips significantly wetter than earlier. Jeonghan was entranced with the glistening red mouth, not registering the words that were coming out until he saw Seungcheol frowning.</p><p>“...Do you want me to sleep in another room?”</p><p>"Hum, oh. No, no, let's sleep in my bed." Jeonghan tried to not think of the implications of what he was proposing. "It just happened to free up a spot. You're lucky."</p><p>“A spot? Who else did you invite in your bed?” said Seungcheol in mock anger.</p><p>"Joshuji was sleeping over, but I guess he changed his mind. Why? Jealous?" Jeonghan bit his lips, enjoying the way Seungcheol's eyes moved to follow the movement.</p><p>"Insanely so." He breathed out, leaning in again.</p><p>"If you're jealous of someone else, it simply means you have not come to a true acceptance and appreciation of yourself.*"</p><p>Jeonghan and Seungcheol both jumped, quickly parting.  Jeonghan could swear that Seungcheol let out a little scream.</p><p>Behind the two eldest was Minghao, in a fancy sleeping gown. Jeonghan didn't even hear him.</p><p>Seungcheol seemed to want to hide into Jeonghan. Cute and understandable<em>,</em> Jeonghan thought.</p><p>"Sorry, Hao, did we wake you up?"</p><p>"No, Hyung, you didn't. I just went to the restroom. It's okay, don't mind me. I'll sleep with earplugs." Minghao shuffled back to his room, completely unfazed. Leaving the two boys still recovering from the interruption.</p><p>Seungcheol slowly lifted his head. He mumbled, "Well, that was embarrassing."</p><p>"Right." Jeonghan nodded, his blush just as evident. "And I'm sure it's just the first of many episodes."</p><p>"Right." Seungcheol echoed.</p><p>They stared at each other and burst out laughing.</p><p>"Sleep?" Jeonghan asked.</p><p>"Yes, sleep." Seungcheol nodded.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>5 minutes earlier downstairs,</em> </strong>
</p><p>“Didn’t we forget something?” Mingyu asked."I have a feeling we forgot something."</p><p>"Go to sleep, Hyung."</p><p>"No, but I really feel like we forgot something."</p><p>"Mingyu!"</p><p>"Okay, fine! But I'm sure we did."</p><p> </p><p><em>The End</em>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>Extra</em> </strong>
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  <strong> <em>It's probably unnecessary, but I added this to show what kind of setup I had in mind for the rooftop.</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wow, this was definitely harder than I thought it would be. This imperfect and clumsy first story of mine is now complete. Thank you for reading till the end.<br/>Practice makes perfect and this was a great exercise that taught me a lot.<br/>I'm so happy I made the decision to split the last chapter in 2 parts or it would have taken way longer to finish.  I imagined this would be a 3 chapters fic and around 7k or 8k at most. Who knew there was so much to say about one single night. I must be an overwriter or something I don't know.<br/>Since this is unbetaed. I'll probably keep editing this if I check and notice some typos. </p><p>*the quote is by Rasheed Ogunlaru. I wanted Minghao to say something cool and just like him and I found that quote quite nice.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The title is from Amy Winehouse's song. I took liberties with the apartment set up.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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